My Perception
by Mensis Eclipse
Summary: After being captured on a training run, Donatello finds himself in a mental asylum as one of the institutions worst patients. At first convinced his captors are trying to trick him, things become less certain as Don discovers he's now a human, and starts having dreams of a very different past. He's slowly driven into madness as he tries to seek the certain truth of his identity.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE- **Well its been awhile since I've visited this archive. But with the lure of a new series, and new movie I couldn't possibly stay away! However I couldn't help but notice for some of the newer fanfics, the authors hardly ever specify which series they're writing for, 2012, or 2003. As a fan of both I find the clarification very important so I'll just say it now this is written for the 2012 universe. Which is a great opportunity because its a new series with the same stupid but oh so lovable premise! With that being said hope you all enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER- **Nickelodeon not I owns TMNT...Are we still doing these btw?

* * *

I was slower today than usual, and they weren't giving me any breaks.

We shouldn't have even gone on patrol tonight. It had been raining all week, and tonight seemed to be the big finale. I could hardly see the next building in front of me, much less my three brothers soaring through the rooftops with either enough confidence that they wouldn't slip, or enough apathy not to care. Either way I was cold, tired, and not looking forward to the grief Leo would give me for being so slow.

Mickey on the other hand, couldn't be happier as he performed yet another mid air flip with a loud cheer, despite the glares he received from Leo. Raphael came up behind him and lightly smacked him on the forehead.

"Hey Mr. Stealth, last one home is a dead sewer rat!" he challenged and speed ahead.

"Cute Raph, but I'm not giving you another five minute head start just so you don't throw a tantrum when I beat you again." he smirked and charged after him.

A groan escaped my mouth. I could usually tell once we started whether these training runs will go well for me or not. On a good day I'd be right up there with my brothers, imagining myself flying, and with enough energy to do the advanced acrobatics with Mikey. On a bad day me feet would start to hurt after the second mile, and by the tenth I would panting to keep within seconds of them. Today was a terrible day. On the first mile I lost my breath, and everything was throbbing by the third.

"Forget keeping up with them, I'd be lucky just to make it." I muttered under my breath as I tried to force more speed into now numb limbs.

Within the next mile, Mikey and Raph were completely out of sight, and I knew Leo had slowed down just to make sure I wasn't completely alone.

Finally he paused on a rooftop close by and waited. I didn't know whether to feel thankful or irritated. I never was the fastest of my brothers, but I certainly never lagged behind like today either.

When I could finally make out his whole figure, he was standing stiff with his arms crossed and glaring. Yep, definitely not feeling thankful.

"Donnie what's up? You're never this slow on training run."

Deep down I knew he was right, but I was far too tired and frustrated to admit it.

"Hey," I panted, trying my best to convey my annoyance, "Give me a break okay? I was up all night working on that retro mutantagne for Karai, plus its practically a monsoon out here! If we keep sprinting like this we'e gonna slip and plummet down a building!"

Leo raised an eyebrow, he was never one for excuses, "Donnie we've gone on training runs in weather a lot worse than this and as a ninja time management should always..."

I groaned again and rolled my eyes. Leo never missed an opportunity to be Splinter Junior.

"Okay, okay!" I interrupted, "If I speed up will you stop!"

I didn't even wait for an answer and ran ahead, anger being my new energy.

Anger, however, seemed to work as any other energy stimulant that night, giving me a great boost initially, but wearing me down just as much. This of course just only me even more frustrated. But instead of going faster I got clumsier, scrapping my feet on next to every landing I made on the buildings' edges.

Finally the neon signs of Mikey's favorite pizza place came into view and knew I was only a mile away.

Leo wasn't anywhere in sight now either. He must have past me some distance back.

Okay, they probably got back like ten minutes ago, and they're definitely gonna be on my shell about this for the rest of the night. But they don't have very long attention spans, if I bypass them as much as possible tonight they'll forget about it in the morning.

The thought almost gave me comfort, until I felt the top of my foot slam into the hard, concrete ledge of the building I was preparing to jump. Shocked and slow I didn't even have a chance to catch myself as I toppled off the building.

Falling face first, I resisted the urge to scream and whipped out my staff to try and catch it on one of the ladders for the fire escape. It banged against the dull black metal, almost catching for a couple of seconds, but then succumbing to gravity once again.

Desperate, I flung my body as close to the sides of the building to try and catch some kind of grip. I only however managed to get my leg impaled into a rusted piece of railing sticking out from the side. But by that time I had gained too much speed from the fall and the railing tore deep into my skin before I plummeted to the ground.

I felt the concrete slam into my thigh and a white hot pain sprang up my legs. I threw my hands over my mouth to muffle a scream of agony.

My whole body was shaking violently, my head throbbed and my thigh was burning like wild fire.

Too shaky to move and too pained to even think, I curled myself into as tight a ball as I could, for both camouflage and some form of fake comfort.

I stayed like that for a few seconds trying to slow my panting into long deep breaths. I couldn't do anything about the tears of pain dripping from my eyes.

I looked up, it was a good six story drop, so relatively speaking I was lucky. I felt anything but though as I imagined the ridicule being twice as bad when the guys had to come find me and carry me home. I'll never hear the end of it from Leo.

The sudden sting of my leg put that in the last of my priorities however as I realized I got cut so badly it managed to hurt more than a broken hip. The skin was torn straight off and I didn't doubt that the railing left some rusty residue. My leg was already soaked in blood, the cut was deep. The trip back home in flooded sewer water will most likely infect it, at the very least I'll have a good scar for months.

"Donnie!" a voice came from around the corner.

"Mikey!" I cried as loud as I could muster with my shaky voice, "I'm over here."

Forgetting my initial embarrassment, I could have cried in relief. Sure I was in for a tough night, but at least at home it was warm, and supplied tons of pain medication.

"Donnie I need you bro." he cried, his voice sounded more scared than mine.

My heart skipped a beat, "I'm coming Mikey hold on!" I cried feeling around for my staff.

Miraculously still in one piece, I put all my weight onto it and hoisted myself up. The pain nearly made me vomit but I sucked it up.

"Mikey," I whimpered, "I'm almost there, just one more second."

Using my staff as a crutch I hobbled around the ally as fast as I could. However it was too dark to see anything.

"Mikey, where are you?" I cried.

I only heard a grunt before a pole of cold metal slammed into my head and I collapsed into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

_God what a nightmare._

It was the first coherent thought I had in awhile. The second was,_ Man everything still aches._

Nausea hit me as a smooth wave as my head was pounded like someone had used it as a drum.

I roughly rubbed my face with my hand for some sense of comfort. I was still too sleepy to open my eyes. My hand felt strangely smoother than usual and also kind of warm.

I wiped my fingers across my forehead one by one.

One, two, three..._ four. _

My eyes snapped open immediately and my jaw hung agape.

The hand in front was pale and fleshy with five long and slender fingers attached to it.

Human.

All of my breath left my lungs as I widely scanned my body now human as well.

My arms were just as lanky and pale. My legs, which felt like they hadn't been used for months, resembled two crumbled up sheets of thinly sliced paper. I brought my hands up to where my snout used to be, but was now replaced by slightly jutted out cheekbones.

My fingers continued up my face until they ran through a matted mess of almond brown hair that fell just below my shoulders.

I began to hyperventilate.

My head felt more and more light headed by every passing moment. Or maybe that was just due to the fact that my body just felt so light. I could no longer feel the comforting weight of the shell on my back anymore, like someone cut my body in half. If I stood up I'd surely fall down with the lack of weight to steady myself.

My teeth clattered and my heart was pounding so hard it began to make my chest sore.

_How did this happen? Who did this to me? Was it permanent?_

The questions that surged through my mind only seemed to advance my headache into a migraine. I decided to shift my focus to my surroundings to ease myself.

I was in a cell lying on a cold metal floor. It was probably no bigger than your average pantry closet. A few feet in front of me were several rusted metallic bars jutting out of the high ceiling and impaling deep into the floor.

Behind me was a hospital bed with the white sheets being the only non grey color in the room. To my left was a small steel toilet and a slightly smaller sink. The room smelled of bleach.

The cell itself seemed to only take up a fraction of the much bigger room it was placed in. The room stretched out at least 20 feet from the cell bars, at the end of which there was a small grey door, humbled by comparison to the massiveness of the room.

The only light source came from a small window on the side of the room. The walls reached at least 30 ft and the rectangular window laided just below the roof. It was sky blue out there, meaning it must have been high afternoon.

_Okay,_ I thought trying to take deep breaths to calm myself before I went into cardiac arrest. _I've been gone long enough that my brothers will know to start to look for me. But how will they find this place? _My stomach dropped,_ How will they recognize me?_

The door creaked open and two people walked in. The first one, a man, was tall and well built, at most in his early sixties. He had shaggy dark grey hair that matched his eyes and slightly unkempt beard. He wore a long white lab coat that stretched to his ankles.

He walked with strides of confidence, his face wore a stern but curious look.

The other was a young women, most probably just out of college. She had curly auburn hair tied behind her in a neat bun. She wore light blue scrubs which were slightly more pale then her skin.

Her face was white and nervous, which made her piercing blue eyes stick out all the more. She walked a few steps behind what I assumed was what who was her mentor and lacking nearly all of his confidence.

I scrambled to my feet, an action which I had predicted, had me falling all over myself again. I threw my arms out to the bars for support.

"Who are you?" I cried, "Where am I? What have you done to me?" I had so many more questions, but I was still shaking so hard I could barely get out those few.

Both people stopped short in shock. The man's face then dropped to stern disappointment. The girl still seemed scared.

"Come now Daniel, must we go through this everytime?" he said in a deep gruff voice.

I raised an eyebrow, "Daniel? Whose Daniel?" I shook my head, it didn't matter, "Who are you? What do you want with me?"

The man sighed heavily, "My name is Dr. Goldstein, and this," he said gesturing to the girl, "Is my apprentice Dr. O'Neil. We have been working as your psychiatrists for the last three years."

The answer took me off guard, to say the least.

"What are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life!" I cried angrily, "Now tell me the truth!"

Dr. Goldstein's eyes narrowed, he seemed to be getting frustrated as well, "I am telling you the truth, you are a patient at the Hollows Mental Hospital, and one of its most serious cases if I might add."

I nearly groaned, what kind of idiot did this guy take me for?

"Enough with the stories," I ordered, "Tell me why you've locked me up."

"For your own protection and for the security of the patients and workers on the hospital grounds. You have a tendency to resort to violence during the relapses of your...episodes."

"Episodes?"

"Yes, your advanced case of schizophrenia includes symptoms of hallucination, paranoia, and occasionally bouts of bipolar outbursts that tend to lead you to, act out. You convince yourself that you are living in a completely alternative world, and deny the realities of your world so thoroughly that you actually manage to trick yourself into forgetting past events ever occurred in the first place."

I looked down at my hands, now stiff, trying to process everything he said. Episodes, hallucinations, schizophrenia?

I shook my head. This was nonsense, they were crazy. A different crazy from the krang or the Foot. Something sparked back to me.

"Y-you said I've been here for three years!" I panted.

Dr. Goldstein nodded.

I smirked, "But you see yesterday I fell off a building and I got hurt and..."

I gestured to my leg, then my body fell into a deep shun. It was completely healed. The scar was gone. I shouldn't have even been able to stand in the first place with a broken hip.

My entire body was shaking as I slowly looked back up to face them.

"Anymore questions Daniel?" Dr. Goldstein asked, crossing his arms.

I glared at him, "Yea, where are my brothers?"

The memories of that night came flooding back to me, running, falling, Mikey. If I never reached him they might have.

Dr. Goldstein and Dr. O'Neil exchanged concerned glances and turned back at me. Dr. Goldstein looked tired, and Dr. O'Neil gazed at my with sympathetic eyes.

"Your brothers are dead Daniel, your whole family is dead."


	3. Chapter 3

I felt like I'd been hit by a train.

The shock initially made me completely still and made my stomach drop hard. My mouth dried up like a drop of water on black pavement on a hot summer day. Then all the air left my lungs, as I forgot how to breath.

I stared directly at them, but couldn't see them. The pain before me was too much to bare. I'd drown in sorrow. It wasn't true, it couldn't be.

My legs were starting to give out from under me. I no longer had the strength to stand or the desire. But I knew if I curled up into a tight ball and mourned, I'd be accepting it. And I didn't have the strenght to accept it.

""Y-you're lying." I didn't know if I whispered or said it mentally, "You're lying you've been lying to me all this time."

Rage suddenly filled every pore in my being, "You're lying!" I screamed, "Tell me the truth! Where are they!?"

Dr. O'Neil turned her head, and Dr. Goldstein's face grew stern.

"Daniel, you and I both know this is the truth. And the sooner you accept that the sooner you'll move on."

Livid, I threw my arms in between the cell bars and seized the collar of his white lab coat.

"Why are you lying to me!? Who are you and what do you want from me!?" I bellowed.

I screamed at him louder and more angrily than I ever did in my whole life. Louder than when Mikey made a mess of my lab, and angrier when the Foot were cornering April.

My shoulders swayed up and down and I panted like I just finished running a marathon. Dr. Goldstein just seemed to have been waiting for me to get over it.

I glared with as much hatred I could muster into his eyes, but he remained stoic. Finally the pain left me and I released my grasp, and in the process allowed my body to sink to the floor.

I sat on the floor, hugging my legs, trying to keep those awful words from sinking in.

The next few moments were silent, until I heard footsteps receding to the door.

"We will give you some time to process this Daniel. Please feel free to talk to me whenever you're ready."

His words were emotionless as a wall. There wasn't even enough spite in them to make him seem as though he were mocking me. Something told me I'd be better off finding compassion within the Kraang than anywhere here.

The door slammed shut and I was completely alone.

* * *

You would think that once one found out their entire family was dead, they would cry. You may suppose they fall to the floor weeping, screaming in agony, or something to that effect. But they would be wrong. When you find out someone you love has died, you don't cry, you can't, or at east thats what I felt.

Crying wouldn't be enough.

I felt like an awful person, but I wasn't even sad. I was scared.

I was afraid of the pain that would inevitably come once I accepted I'd never see my family again. The massive loss and devastation frightened me, so I decided not to feel it.

Instead I swallowed my instinct to overreact . I took a deep breath and only let the rational thoughts in.

They have been lying to me all this time, its well more than possible that they're lying about this as well.

I looked to my leg and rolled my eyes at myself, if they can change me human they could definitely fix a broken hip and a scar.

I ran my hand over it. There was little to no chance I could catch them in their lie either. Whatever game they're playing the rules seemed to be more flexible in their favor than a rubber band. Even if I did catch something off, they'd never admit it to me. Or if they did, it wasn't like they'd just let me go home.

I'd have to play along.

That was the only means of escape. I groaned, but I had so much more to consider.

If they were lying about my brothers, then they may have them as well. They'd never admit to this either. And they could have changed them human too. I sighed, there was little to nothing I could do in this cell. But if I wasn't mistaken, mental hospitals don't keep patients in cells exclusively.

Maybe if I 'improved' my behavior, they'd at least allow me to roam around.

I felt my head fall back, but that was a pretty big maybe.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there racing all these plans in my mind, but it must have been a while since my stomach started growling.

I had foolishly skipped dinner the night before my brothers and I went on that training run in order to have more time to work on that retro mutagen. A decision I was now severely regretting.

The doors slid open and Dr. O'Neil walked in with a clipboard.

"Hi Daniel," she said softly, "I came to check on you."

She could have been April's duplicate, given that she was a little older. She had the same smile, the same stride, and overall the same demeanor. I found it comforting, even though I knew the last thing I should be doing is trusting anyone here.

"I'm hungry." I muttered, trying to sound as nonchalant as I could.

She smiled, "Well then I suppose its time you come with me to the diner."

She put her clipboard down and pulled out a shiny pair of handcuffs from the pocket of her lab coat.

I immediately pulled back.

"Sorry Daniel, it's protocol." She said, unlocking my cell door and stepping in.

I couldn't help but think of Raph, how he would never let an opportunity like this pass up. He'd probably charge her, take the keys and bolt out of here.

However that was where we were different. For now I'd have to mimic the hunter, as Splinter had instructed us to do many times, I'd have to wait in the shadows for my chance o strike.

I held my hands out so she could secure the cuffs.

"How will I eat?" I asked.

"We'll bring your food back here, I thought you could use a walk."

I swear I saw her blush.

* * *

As a former 6 ft, walking, talking, mutant turtle, I had very little experiences with nice places. I grew up in the sewers o New York for crying out loud. So as sad as it is to say, that mental hospital was the nicest place I've ever been.

The walls were tall and lined with glissening wood. The glass extended up two stories. Outside of them were the grandest mountains I've ever seen (and that was largely due to the fact that I'd never seen mountains in real life before).

The yellows and reds of the sunset painted the sky.

I couldn't help but pause and stare wide eyed at them. Dr. O'Neil paused too, and patiently awaited for me to finish.

"Hollows Mental Hospital strives to keep at prime living conditions for the benefit of all of its residents. We believe here a majestic environment can do wonders in restoring one's humanity."

I raised my eyebrow at this. I kind of wanted to tell her that a prison was still a prison, no matter how nice it was.

"So, Dr.O' Neil." I started, "I couldn't help but notice you share a striking resemblance to a friend of mine, and share her last name. Is there by any chance you know of an April O'Neil?" I asked.

She giggled and tucked her hair behind her ear, "Daniel, April is my first name."

"Oh..." I said, and fell silent, I wasn't quite sure what to think of that.

We continued on for a while without talking. And I was thankful for that. All of my attention went to scoping the surroundings.

For a mental hospital I noticed they sure had a lot of guards, two guarding each door, and not so many patients. I saw a few, but they were at least numbered one to four by the security. Also each and every guard gave us a look as we passed. My suspicions were only heightened.

"You sure do have a lot of security here." I muttered, I wondered if Mikey would be impressed by my acting skills.

"Safety here is our number one priority," she responded simply.

"Yea? And what exactly is keeping you from being safe?"

She stopped short and looked at me dead straight in the eyes, "Some of the patients here, though no fault of their own, can act...unstable." She put her hand on my shoulder, "Our only wish is to keep them from harming themselves."

* * *

There were more people inside the cafeteria, it was almost crowded.

It was divided into two rooms. The bigger had some nice booths, a full open view of the mountain side, and several of salad and buffet bars bordering the walls. This was where the workers ate.

The other room was about half the size, and consisted of three long tables, each packed with patients. The only light source was a shaking ceiling lighting that was flickering on and off.

The food didn't look nearly as appetizing, there was only one line, only serving some grey looking chicken and barely cooked rice. I felt my appetite run for cover.

As soon as we came in however I could feel all the eyes in the room looking up from their tray to us. I wished I had my shell back so I could just hide in it.

April grabbed a tray and ave me a sympathetic look.

"We tend not to get a lot of support financially, but we buy what we can, and sometimes ignoring quality for quantity."

I looked to the workers lunch room and glared, "Doesn't seem to be a problem for them."

After April had splattered the grey chicken, which smelled as bad as it looked, and rice, which made me miss slime and algae, she put her finger to her lip and snuck over to the workers room to grab the biggest loaf of bread and stashed it in her coat, then came back and hastily led me out of the room.

I could have laughed, not one person in there _hadn't_ seen what she had just pulled.

"I don't pull risks like that for just anyone." she smiled at me.

"Well don't I feel special, "I responded, in one of my fakest voices.

To give credit where credit is due, they played this game very well.

The walk back to my cell was silent as well I was probably the most cooperative ex ninja turtle they've ever encountered.

"Why am I locked up exactly?" I asked, as April finished securing the lock to the cell

She sighed heavily and looked up at me, "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

I glared at her, "I told you, I fell off a building, then heard my brother and when I went over..."

"That never happened Daniel," she snapped, the looked at me in remorse, "I mean, you imagined that."

I folded my arms, "Okay then you tell me what happened."

It was slowly killing me to play along with their ridiculous games.

"Well after your brothers...passed, you were in mourning. Well melancholy's more like it. For two years you didn't eat, sleep or talk to anyone. You were one of our most reclusive patients, then you... snapped. You ran away one night, and were missing for three months. Finally a little over a month ago, we found you near death in the sewers. We brought you home and you've been recovering in a sort of trance ever since."

I tilted my head, sounded like one of those tragic backstories of a character on Master Splinter's soap opera series.

"How did my brothers die?" I asked slowly.

She stared hard at the ground and whispered, "Your father murdered them."


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE-** I wanted to first and foremost apologize for the delay in updating. A monumental tragedy has passed, one that I cannot express enough grief for. I had to go through a loss that really made it painful to come back to an archive so focused on family. So I would like to dedicate the rest of the story in his honor. It has taken me a lot of bravery to come back here, but I also now feel to use this story as a bit of an outlet, so please excuse some delays that may come in the process of completing this story. Thanks for understanding.

* * *

I sputtered, then burst into laughter.

It wasn't a hardy laugh, like the ones I shamefully give Mikey when he snorts milk out of his nose, but a cruel mocking one like those Stockman loved to give.

Dr. O'Neil looked...surprised.

But I didn't care. If I had any doubt before now I knew for sure they were lying. The idea was so ridiculous I completely expelled the idea of playing along with them from my mind.

"Daniel..." she started.

"I thought you did your research lady." I said in between laughs, "Our father loves us, he was the one who taught us to defend ourselves for crying out loud!"

Glaring, she thrust her arms into the cell and harshly grabbed my arms so I'd look her directly in the eyes.

"Daniel listen to me, convincing yourself that you actually live in these delusions will not ease the reality you reside within now." she said firmly.

I pulled my arms back and glared at her. I could feel anger flare within me. My father loved me, he loved all of us, there was _nothing_ she could do or say to convince me otherwise.

"Come on now April," I sneered with a twinge of mockery in my voice, "We both know who the crazy one here is. And I don't know what exactly your goal is by getting me to believe my whole life's been a lie, but I can assure you it will never happen. My brothers are alive and they will come for me, or if you have them, I'll rescue them, and we'll escape. No one has succeeded in keeping us captive before."

Okay, that was a complete Raph move, but the more I thought about her accusing Master Splinter of murder, the more infuriated I felt that they'd even consider that I'd believe them.

I looked into her eyes, they looked deflated. If I didn't know better I'd swear she'd burst into tears. She swallowed then looked at me apologetically.

"Daniel, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have had an outburst like I did. And I should have followed Dr. Goldstein's advice. You weren't ready for the the truth, and I had no right to tell you. Please forgive me." She said, and started to leave the room.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know what to think. She apologized, but not for the right thing. My anger died down but I still felt hurt, and foolish.

I almost had her convinced, and after all these people were beyond the most insane I'd ever meet. Whatever lies they told me didn't matter. They were only trying to break me. I couldn't let them.

She slammed the door before I could even attempt to fix things.

* * *

Living in a sewer complex with three brothers and a father used to make me treasure my alone time. I loved the quiet and just being able to think without any distractions.

Loneliness was probably the worst thing about the whole thing.

I'd trade every second of alone time I ever needed or wanted for the rest of my life so I could be with my brothers again. But lets face it, at this point I would have done anything just to know my brothers were _alive_ again.

I gulped hard, the slight possibility that that was possible was enough to make me shudder and feel sick to my stomach.

I once again pushed it out of my mind and let a new unsettling thought in, how did they know so much about my family. Okay granted they didn't admit to know that much, but she did know about three more mutant turtles and a mutant rat down in the sewers. Did Dr. O Neil and Dr. Goldstein know where we lived exactly?

I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes.

Stress was usually the most effective sleep inducer I ever came in contact with. Usually it'd come when I was hard at work on a project and I'd end up fighting it back with coffee or something to that effect.

Tonight however it was welcomed, as I let my raging emotions die down, and all my concerns melt away.

* * *

_Next thing I knew I was staring at my chemistry set back at my lab. The mutagen samples boiled in a beaker, while the rest of the desk was littered with notes and broken pencils._

_I slowly wiped drool from my mouth and tried to adjust my eyes._

_"Donnie dinner!" Mikey cried from the other room._

_I shook my head, "Coming Mikey!" I shouted back and shakily got up from the desk to go to the kitchen._

_My brothers, Master Splinter, and April all sat around the table which now had a freshly heated pizza atop it. My mouth watered and the smell brought a loud growl from my stomach._

_I didn't care, even when Raph and Leo slightly snicked as I hurriedly took my place in between Mikey and Master Splinter._

_I snatched the largest slice in the box, despite Mikey's annoyance, and prepared to shove it into my mouth._

_"How is your work going my son?" Splinter asked before I got the chance._

_I reluctantly put down the slice and looked turned my head down in guilt, "Well, okay I guess, but these things take time sensai," I looked up at him ruefully, "It's going to be a while."_

_Master Splintered sighed heavily, "I know you won't let me down my son. After all you're never the one to shirk from your academic responsibilities."_

_"I guess Master I..." I paused to process his sentence, "Wait what?"_

_Mikey pushed his chair towards me and flung his arm across my shoulders, "No worries bro, you've got this science fair in the bag!"_

_I shot him a weird look, "Science fair?"_

_Master Splinter glared at Mikey then spat, "You all should be following your brother's example, he practices discipline, integrity," the glare spread across the table, "What do the rest of you offer to deserve my praise?"_

_I turned red while my brothers looked down solemnly. I never heard him sound so cold. _

_"Come on father!" Mikey said, with joy that couldn't be settled for long, "We can't all be as smart as Danny boy!" he smiled and once again placed his arm around me._

_I flinched at the name and felt my stomach drop, "Mikey, what did you..."_

_"Daniel, Daniel." a woman's voice came before I could finish._

_"Daniel." she repeated, over and over again._

* * *

My eyes shot open and I woke up gasping. I put my hand to my chest to try and slow my throbbing heart.

"Daniel," Dr. O'Neil was standing outside the cell, "It's time for your first therapy session."

I pulled myself up and wiped my eyes.

"Therapy?" I whimpered.

"Yes, group therapy. Tested time and time again to be the most effective among treatment options." she said and entered my cell to cuff me once again.

I looked at her skeptically, "Are sure your group leader wouldn't mind having a felon in his clientele?"

She signed, "I talked it over with him and Dr. Goldstein, and we all agree that social interaction, especially with others going through the same issues, is vital to recovery."

Dr. Goldstein walked up behind her, "Yes, and research shows complete isolation is more often than not harmful in treatments."

I rolled my eyes, "You needed a study to tell you that?"

I followed them silently to a new room of the hospital. It had to be the most open.

The windows covered the majority of the walls, and what wasn't covered was painted bright blue. The radio softly played a classical station that filled the room.

The room was pretty much empty, except for a dozen or so chairs arranged in a circle.

The man, who I presumed to be the leader, was sitting in the middle and had his head lowered, studying the clipboard intently.

"Doctor Jones," April said as soon as we walked in, "Daniel is back."

The man looked up and had me frozen in my tracks, "Ahh Daniel, its nice to see you again."

Th resemblance was uncanny. The man sitting there was Casey. Same age, same voice, same person.

I broke out of Dr. O'Neil's grasp and rushed over to him, "Casey! What are you doing here? What's going on?" I cried in confusion.

Cas...Dr. Jones looked stunned, he sputtered speechlessly as I studied him as intently as I could. Something was very wrong.

"Daniel, this is Dr. Jones, he's been you therapy leader for nearly a year now." Dr. O'Neil explained calmly.

Dr. Jones glanced at her and gave me a weary smile.

"Casey its me Donatello! They somehow changed me human and..."

"Daniel calm down, " he interrupted, "I know who you are."

I growled in frustration and whipped around to face Dr. O'Neil and Dr. Goldstein, "What have you done to him? Why can't he remember me?"

Dr. Goldstein stepped forward, "He can remember you Daniel, you just can't remember him. He was your most effective therapist, well effective n the sense that he got the most reaction out of you... you actually never really took to him on a friendly bases."

I wanted to punch him in the face. And that was not a feeling I had about a lot of people. But whatever beef these maniacs had with me and my family, Casey had nothing to do with it. I felt a surge of guilt dragging him into this. And a even deeper one as I thanked shell that at least the real April wasn't part of this. Well as far as I knew.

"Now please sit down." Dr. Goldstein continued sternly.

I glared at him and knelt by Dr. Jones's ear and whispered, "I'll get you out of this, I promise."

He looked at me with confusion and pity. Funny I felt the same thing.

I took the closest seat next to him.

Dr. Goldstein left the room and Dr. O'Neil took her place in the background. I made sure to keep an eye on her.

"Well," Dr. Jones clapped his hands, "Here comes the others."

A small herd of people suddenly came through the door. Some babbling excessively, while others had their eyes glued to the floor.

I held my breath. Surely, if they had done to my brothers what they had done to me, they wouldn't put us in the same therapy group. I sighed to myself, even if they did I would probably be enable to recognize them for sure.

Once they were all seated I found myself once again doing a double take.

Karai, Bradford, Stockman, and Xever all sat in front of me, completely human.

I was at a loss for breath, and the absence of my staff really started to weigh down on me.

Was this their plan all along, get me alone in a room filled with my former enemies?

I stiffened, desperately trying to hide my panic, as I searched the room for some means of escape before things got any wilder.

"Come on Oroku Saki, you're holding up the rest of the group." the worker yelled to the other room.

Slowly but surely the Shredder emerged from the shadows.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE-** I think Oroku Saki's his first name...


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** So wow, a year already, wow. I don't really know what to say other than sorry, with all my family issues, school, etc, coming back was hard, but the story kept irking at me until I finally gave in. Good news though is that now that main school and summer school are done, I have some time to focus back here! So thanks to all the readers who have come back! I truly appreciate it!

* * *

At that point I knew I had one of four options.

The Raphael option, where I would go for the jugular and attack the Shredder point blank, the Leonardo option, where I would spend all of my energy defending Casey, the Michelangelo option where I would do something completely unpredictable and random (however since I could actually think of anything unpredictable and random to do at that moment that option really wasn't an option for me), or finally the Donatello option.

The Donatello option was the one with the highest percentage of failures and usually involved me standing there like a clueless wuss until either my enemy attacked first and I reacted accordingly, or one of my brothers jumped in the way.

At any other circumstance this is the option I would naturally go with.

But not this time.

I was alone, and more importantly, I had someone else that I needed to defend. I decided to go with the Raphael option.

I leaped out of my chair and swung around to grab it as my substitute weapon. Within the next instant I ran towards Shredder and hit his chest with the chair with as much force as I could.

Somehow I caught him off guard and he fell to the floor, yelling in pain.

"Daniel Stop!" Dr. O'Neil's and Dr. Jones's voices rung behind me, but I ignored them.

I leaped on top of the Shredder and brutally began whacking him over and over again with the steel part of the chair.

Finally he grabbed hold of one of the legs and yanked my improvised weapon out of my hands. Within seconds, while I was looking helplessly towards my disregarded weapon, the Shredder tackled me to the floor and started returning the punches, with just as much fury.

I pathetically tried to defend my face with my lanky straw arms, but he was relentless and soon I could feel a swarm trickle of blood sliding down my face.

"Enough!" I head one of the guards shout and lifted my attacker off me.

I lay there for a few moments, panting and trying not to cry from the pain of my throbbing face.

"Daniel!" Dr. O'Neil cried and tried to help me up, "Are you alright?"

I fiercely shook off her arms, cupped my hands over my most likely broken nose, and backed away from her.

"Was this your plan all along?! Capture me, trick me, then bring me to a room filled with my worst enemies!?" I screamed.

I didn't know why, but somehow I felt incredibly betrayed.

"Daniel please! These people are not your enemies!" Dr. O'Neil cried.

"They're your therapy group." Dr. Jones continued from behind, "Come on Daniel don't you remember..."

"Therapy group!?" I yelled interrupting him. "You're telling me I'm in a therapy group filled with assassins and psychopaths?!"

The Shredder, who was already giving the guards holding him back a hard enough time holding him back, raged in fury at my last comment.

"Whoa, whoa none of these people are...like that." Dr. Jones said, trying to be as soothing as he could to his unbelievably calm group of patients, "These people are all like you Daniel, confused, scared..."

"I am nothing like them!" I snapped.

I tried to keep myself angry and defensive, but deep down I was terrified. Nothing here made any kind of logical sense. None of them seemed to be in any type of bondages, and even if they were, this place didn't seem to have nearly the amount of security to hold them in for long. And if they were actually in on the trick, why keep it going? Especially after the Shredder got the upper hand on me? And how and why were they turned back human as well?

I felt like a lab rat in a maze, helpless to get myself out and at the mercy of lunatic scientists controlling my surroundings.

"Oh Daniel you're hurt," Dr. O'Neil said, noticing the blood seeping through the cracks my cupped hands, "Come on let's get you to the clinic."

"No!" My heart stopped and I cast a desperate look back at Casey.

Suddenly the fear of what would happen to Casey after I left him in a room alone with all of my enemies overcame everything else.

"I-I'm fine I want to stay!"

"It's okay Daniel," Casey said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "Go get patched up, you can come to the next therapy session."

I gave him a desperate glance, he didn't even realize he was in danger, "No! I'm not leaving you!" I cried.

Suddenly both of my arms were clasped in a death grip and before I knew it I was being dragged away by two guards.

"No!" I screamed, and broke out any energy I had left to escaping their grip.

Screaming with anger and frustration I brutally kicked and wiggled my arm in a desperate attempt to get free, but their grip was like iron.

Nevertheless I was the only defense Casey had against the monsters that surrounded him. I continued my savage struggle until much to my satisfaction, it seemed to work ad both guards struggled keep me down. Once I felt their grip slipping I was energized with renewed strength and began violently twisting my body like an encaged wild animal trying to get free..

Dr.O'Neil tried to call out to me but I was screaming too loudly to hear her. The growing feeling that I could lose Casey was driving me to extremes.

Just as the guards started to lose their grip completely ,I felt a profound prick in my arm, and my whole body seemed to shut down at once.

Tranquilizer shot.

As my body slowed, my mind raced. I couldn't let them take me away. I couldn't just leave Casey at their mercy.

With desperate and frustrated scream I made one last struggled effort to free myself from the guards. But my was body like lead, plus it felt like an enormous weight was keeping me down as well.

Another prick went into my arm, and this time I couldn't fight it.

The world around me started to fade and I focused my sight on Casey looking down at me sympathetically.

I weakly whimpered his name then gave in to the darkness.

* * *

_The next thing I knew I was in a traditionally Japanese decorated dojo, sitting on a mat, and watching two other boys fight one another._

_Even though I knew I had never seen them before, they somehow felt familiar to me._

_One of the boys had pin straight dark brown hair, almost black, that was just longer than the lengthy of his shoulders. His frame was thin, but still impressively built. It also had a stern face with lengthy bangs covering the majority of it. The other boy had a tanner complexion, with reddish brown hair, and even though he looked about the same age as the other boy, something in the way he moved made him seem more immature. He had the body of a skater and a bright smile that could probably make the moodiest of grouches lighten up._

_Both boys shared the same piercing blue eye color, and their facial features seemed to be similar as while, though the reddish haired boy's face seemed to be a lighthearted version of the other's._

_"Leon, straighten your leg when you kick! Michael pay attention to your opponent!" a stern Japanese accent came from behind me._

_The man who it belonged to was very tall and thin. He had a long shimmering light grey beard that stretched to his chest, matching the length of the rest of his hair. He wore a dark grey robe and had skin that was nearly transparent hidden under it._

_For some reason I felt an incredible uneasiness creep through me._

_The darker haired boy made a frustrated growl underneath his breath and charged towards the other, who was clearly not paying much attention, and kicked his legs from under him._

_The reddish haired boy cried and fell to the floor._

_Dark hair tried to take advantage of the moment and get in another strike, but the other was ready this time and caught his arm. In the next instant red hair throttled dark hair half way across the room, where he lay stunned._

_"Ha!" red hair cried. "Bet you didn't see that one coming Leon!"_

_"Geez, what a show off." A new voice muttered_

_I turned my head to me to see a third boy of the same age sitting next to me. His hair was as dark as the other's, but he had it stilled with a wild and spikey cut. He was also the darkest and best built of the boys, and had a cocky grin which confirmed that he knew it._

_With a growl, Leon was up again and went for Michael's shoulders. Michael prepared to deflect him, but at the last moment Leon changed his attack and struck his thigh instead._

_Michael went down instantly, but this time crying in agony._

_"Ahh! Dude!" Michael cried from on the floor, holding his thigh and shaking from the pain._

_Leon jumped, obviously he hadn't meant for the attack to be that hard, "I'm sorry!" he said quickly, "I didn't mean to..."_

_"Chinmoku!" the older man declared from behind me, "Leon do not apologize for taking advantage of your opponent's weakness."_

_Leon looked down in shame, "Yes father." he said solemnly._

_"Now finish the fight!" he demanded._

_Shocked Leon looked up to his father, then back down to Michael, still cowering on the floor._

_"But...he's hurt..." Leon started._

_"I said finish him!" the man shouted and I flinched._

_I could feel the boy next to me shift uncomfortably as well._

_Leon bit his lip and reluctantly went to attack Michael again, and unconsciously my whole body shifted away._

_After a scream or two more of pain, the old man finally called to end the fight._

_Leon, who now looked more regretful than ever, tried to go and help Michael up again, but his father's voice stopped him._

_"Leave him!" the old man said sternly, then looked down at me._

_I felt my heart leap and I tried to shrink down._

_"Daniel, your turn. Fight Michael."_

_Somehow I knew better than to argue. I turned to face the poor boy still rolled up in a ball of pain. I gulped, and suddenly I felt as guilty as the Leon guy. However my body, almost unconsciously, stood up and went to face him._

_"Sutāto!" he shouted._

_And I knew that meant begin._

* * *

My nose still hurt when I woke up.

And it was also accompanied by a throbbing headache and stinging face. My stomach felt like it'd been twisted in a double knot and my throat burned like wildfire. I pulled myself up and placed a cool hand on my burning forehead.

"Daniel." Dr. O'Neil's voice came, "Are you alright?"

I knew she was trying to be soothing, but right now her calm demeanor was the most irking part of this whole mess.

"Where's Casey?" I asked rudely, not wanting to let it show how much pain I was in.

"Dr. Jones finished his therapy session a couple hours ago," she started "I think he went..."

"I want to see him." I said, trying to sound as stern as possible, despite the fact that I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

Dr. O'Neil was quiet. Judging by the growing frown on her face, her patience was running thin with my aggressive attitude, but I didn't care. I was just as sick, if not more by her relentless everything-is-fine attitude. I longed for her to crack and show some emotion, just so I could tell she was really human.

"I'll see what I can do." she said curtly, and then walked out of the room.

Unfortunately she stopped right outside the door, so any attempt to sneak out seemed useless.

I looked over to see a silver mirror besides me. With dread I picked it up and examined the reflection.

I had never hated the sight of myself so much.

Even as a turtle, though there were times I wished I were human just to be closer to April, I had always liked the way I looked. I mean I knew handsome was never in the realm of possibility for me or really any of my family, but I always thought my appearance suited me. Different but somewhat pleasant in my own way.

Now I didn't even recognize the reflection. Other than the bandage, now covering a third of my face and the black and blue handy work of the Shredder littering the other parts, my eyes looked permanently grim and tired, while my whole face was scarred with some kind of trauma and pain I didn't even remember.

I guess it would be silly not to suspect identity issues when your entire body goes through such a change, but I felt such an uncomfortable anxiety as I looked into this completely foreign reflection.

"Good news!" Dr. O'Neil said as she came back in with her insufferably good mood, "Dr. Jones hasn't left yet, in fact he's in the main building fixing a broken vent."

She paused when she saw me staring at myself in the mirror.

"I-I just thought it would be a good idea to show you how the doctor healed your nose." she said silently.

"I don't even recognize myself." I whispered before I could stop myself.

She came over and took a seat next to me, "You haven't been yourself for a long time Daniel."

A long solemn silence floated between us.

Finally I broke myself away from the mirror and said under my breath, "Lets go see Casey."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**-Wait what? Another chapter? lol yeah this updating frequency I can't promise for long, specially since I'm going on vacation in five hours...but hopefully it won't put too much of a dull on updates. Until then please enjoy!

* * *

"There have always seemed to be two sides to my personality.

The rational Donatello or the Donatello who thinks about everything logically and in a calm and orderly process. And then, the much more dominant Paranoid Donatello. This Donatello enjoys jumping to the worst possible scenario at any given circumstance.

For instance one time when I texted April and she didn't text back within the next few hours, Paranoid Donatello quickly assumed she was captured by the Kraang and was being tortured mercilessly, when it turned out that her phone had just died.

Not many people liked Paranoid Donatello. Namely my brothers, whose reactions to him range from either yelling or mocking.

But anyways, it was Parnoid Donatello who was walking down those long empty halls with Dr. O'Neil.

_What had they done to Casey? I couldn't believe I just left him alone in a room full of my worst enemies, which included the Shredder! True I had given them a fight, but was it really the best I could have done? I was taken out by two guards and a tranquilizer shot for shell's sake. And because of my inability to put up an actual fight, they could be torturing Casey, maybe even mutating him for some sick ploy in the next part of their scheme, or worse._

A small piece of Rational Donatello tried to break through these thoughts and argued_, why would they be taking me to see Casey if they had tortured him? Especially without any bindings._

Nevertheless I felt my throat dry and I spend up my walk. This time ignoring the breath-taking scenery outside and only focusing my sights in front of me.

Dr. O'Neil, obviously struggling to keep up with me without breaking out into a jog, came up behind me. "We're almost there Daniel." she said with an uneasy smile, then quickly sprinted in front of me and lead me through a seemingly ordinary door to the left.

The reception room was the most likely the grandest room in the whole hospital. The ceiling was at least 20 feet above the sparklingly white marble floors. Nice classical music played in the background, and the peach colored walls were covered in several portraits of flowers and waterfalls. At the reception desk, crafted from dark oak wood, hung the various metals and honors the hospital received for its excellent care and results. Behind it sat a thin blonde woman typing away at her computer.

Casey was bent over a nearby fuse box and looked up at us as we came in the room.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief as soon as I saw him.

He seemed fine, at least physically, there were no signs of any abuse or aggression, and something about him smiling at us made me all the more relaxed.

Before I could think better of it, I ran over and gave him a tight embrace.

"Thank shell you're okay." I breathed into his shoulders.

Casey, a little taken back, relaxed his body and smiled, "Of course, I told ya Danny everything was gonna be fine."

Dr. O'Neil snickered behind us, "Well well it's nice to see the two of you finally getting along."

Embarrassed, I pulled away. "So uh Casey...what are you working on?" I asked quickly.

"Oh," he smiled, "Sometimes I double as the hospital's maintenance technician, you know anything to more green to the pocket."

I frowned, whatever these people did to him, they seriously altered his personality.

I noticed the tool box beneath him and immediately lightened up. Here was a chance not only to keep an eye on Casey, but to figure out the workings in this building as well.

"Hey uh, you need any help there?" I asked, trying to sound as non-chalet as possible. "I mean I was really good with tools before...coming here."

Both Casey and Dr. O'Neil exchanged uneasy glances, and for good reason. After seeing what I could do with a chair, putting even more efficient tools in my hand probably wasn't the safest idea.

But I couldn't let this chance pass me by. I shot Casey a pleading look and he relented.

"I don't see why not." he said, trying to mask the uncertainty of his voice.

Dr. O'Neil immediately glared at him but he ignored her, "Here Danny," he said handing me a set of pliers, "Give it a try."

Eagerly I took the pliers and set to work. After the first glance I could immediately tell it was a blown out fuse, something I had to deal with so many times in the lair that I could practically fix it with my eyes shut. However I wasn't too eager on leaving Casey any time soon, plus I needed to get to know the building a little better.

"Yea, it seems that your whole system is fried." I lied, hoping that Casey hadn't actually got to thoroughly examining it yet.

"What?" he said trying to get a better look.

"Yea," I said quickly blocking him from getting a better view, "It may take me an hour or so to reset it. Casey you think you can hand me supplies?" I asked, and pretended to be hard at work.

"Uh yea sure. I guess." he said and kneeled down behind me.

"Well then I guess in that case I guess I'll go get dinner." Dr. O'Neil said, still sounding uneasy, "Would you like something Daniel?"

As if on cue my stomach let out a long low growl and I remembered I hadn't eaten anything since I arrived here.

"Uh yeah," my cheeks turned red from embarrassment, "Anything that looks edible."

Dr. O'Neil smiled then headed to the dining hall.

* * *

Working on that fuse with Casey, I felt better than I had at any other time in this place. Not good, heck not even safe, but better.

Still even that slight sense of security made me feel uneasy. Maybe they were just deluding me. Maybe they knew I would try and find a way out and were just testing to see how far I would get. Maybe they were predicting my moves before I even made them.

I shook my head. I had no time for Paranoid Donatello, planned or not I had to make the most of my alone time with Casey.

"So," I started after a few minutes of silence, "How long have you been working here?"

I realized it was a dumb question, but I needed to think of some transitionary thing to talk about before I questioned all he knew about this place.

Casey didn't seem to mind though and he just smiled, "This will be my fourth year. But it seems like its been forever since I first started." he paused then continued, "You were one of my first patients...do you remember?"

I paused, the question, although ridiculous, sounded surprisingly genuine. "No, I'm sorry."

And for some reason I started to feel guilty for not remembering something that never happened.

"Ah it's okay." he laughed, "I remember you never really liked me before now. No matter what I did, it always seemed to turn you off somehow."

He stopped when he saw me giving him a perplexed look.

"Sorry," he said, "It's just weird to be hanging out like this, but a good weird, you know?"

I turned back to 'work'. My mind was racing. Why was he telling me these things? Why were they _making _him tell me these things? Were they trying to get me to sympathize with him even though nothing he was saying was real?

"So how many patients do you have here?" I asked before the silence went on too long.

"Around five hundred." he answered casually.

"500?" I cried, _how the shell was I supposed to find my brothers now?_ "I didn't see nearly that many in the dining hall!"

Casey laughed, "Well we don't just keep them all in the same building."

"Why not?"

His smile fell, "Let's just say the personalities and symptoms of the patients don't always...mix. See if you have a depressed borderline suicidal patient, it might not be best to put them around bipolar people or schizophrenics. Besides with each patient classified by their mental state we can give them more specialized treatments."

My heart sank, and the question resurfaced, how the SHELL was I supposed to find my brothers now?

Where they in the paranoid schizophrenic wing like me? Or were they placed with the depressed and suicidal?

My head was spinning when Dr. O'Neil came in with three hot plates of spaghetti.

* * *

As per Dr. O'Neil's suggestion, we decided to sit in three of the chairs in the hallway right outside of the reception room. The chairs were all facing the magnificent sight of the mountains which now had a glorious sunset on top of it as well.

Again though, I wasn't much into the scenery as I gulped down my dinner, despite the fact that the pasta was stale and the sauce smelled funny.

"I think the view is one of the best parts about working here." Dr. O'Neil smiled, taking in the sight of it all.

"Hehe yeah, say what you want about the hospital, but you cannot ignore our backyard." Casey joked.

"Reminds me of Northampton." I said while shoving three more mouthfuls of spaghetti in, "My brothers and I used to love to come here."

Dr. O'Neil and Casey exchanged looks, then chuckled.

"Danny Hollows Mental Institution is in Northampton." Dr. O'Neil said.

I swallowed my last bit of pasta, "Really?" I said wiping away some sauce with my arm, I turned to study the landscape, "Doesn't look much like it."

"Well we're on the outskirts of the town; you've probably just seen the forest areas."

I didn't respond and tried to study the mountainous horizon. I didn't remember Northampton being all that big, but then again I really wasn't concerned about the size of the place when we got there either. As much as I would have liked to remember happy times with my brothers here, this place only brought back memories of sadness and fear.

"Daniel would you like me to get you some more food?" Dr. O'Neil asked noticing my empty plate.

"That's okay," I responded quickly, "I think I'm gonna get back to work on that fuse box."

With that I went back to the reception room before they could say anything else.

* * *

In a rare event of good luck, the room was completely empty. The receptionist had probably left for home and her computer seemed to still be on. I held my breath maybe my luck would continue and the hospital would have all their patient files on record.

I sat down by the adequately organized desk and started messing with the mouse. However much to my dismay the computer needed a password.

I rummaged through the drawer directly underneath it, which was much less organized, until found a bright yellow sticky note with various numbers and letters written on it. I typed them into the computer and it smiled when it chimed, "Welcome."

I sighed in relief. Finally I was in my element. My figures raced across the keyboard, which was a lot easier with five long and skinny human fingers than it was with three short and chubby turtle ones.

After three minutes of madly clicking whatever I could, I finally found a folder named 'Patient files.' Eagerly I clicked it and all at once a long list appeared presumably containing five hundred medical patients.

I gulped; this wasn't going to be as easy as I hoped. If they did have my brothers, which I wasn't even sure of, I had no way of knowing what they would have changed their names to, or what wing they were in.

Hopelessly I started scrolling through a plethora of names and letters that meant nothing to me. Suddenly a tab saying 'list names by' caught my eye. I clicked it and selected 'Age'.

I smiled, whatever they changed my brother's names to, I was pretty sure they hadn't changed their ages as well.

However when I scrolled down to see the youngest patients I saw that only one was listed as a teenager.

Daniel Hamato.

* * *

Probably the worst bout of uneasiness since I got here crept through me. My hands started to slightly shake and I could feel my whole body perspire.

I clicked on the name.

Immediately tabs labeled, medical history, physical description, family history, and birth certificate all popped on the screen. I clicked the one that said family history. And once I read the names of my family members I nearly fell out of my chair.

Yoshi Hamato was named as my father first and foremost, then my brothers, listed as Leon, Michael, and Ralph.

I gaped at the screen. Those were the boys from my dream, why were they listed as my brothers? _How _were they listed as my brothers? My heart pounded in my chest and my breathing became shallow.

Were these people somehow controlling my dreams? Inserting fake memories into me? Was that even possible?

"Daniel." Dr. O'Neil said from behind, making me jump out of the chair and land on the floor.

"Dr. O'Neil I...I...I" I completely froze; I had no idea how to explain this one.

But instead of yelling at me or calling the guards she sighed, "I was going to show you your file once I felt you could handle it."

I stared at her, trying to simultaneously catch my breath and think of what to say.

"Is it true?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes Daniel, everything written on there is fact."

I looked back to the computer and suddenly felt a huge headache coming on. Dr. O'Neil could probably sense my misery.

"Come on Daniel, let's get you back to your room."

* * *

I lay in the cell bed feeling completely lost and helpless which seemed to becoming the usual these days.

I had so many questions, namely why were these people doing this to me? Why go to such elaborate extremes? Maybe it was some kind of experiment? How would one react if you convinced them that all they ever knew was a lie?

I turned to my side and shut my eyes.

I missed my brothers. More than I ever had in my whole life I missed my brothers. This was the longest I had ever been away from them. Growing up, Master Splinter always emphasized that we were all that we had in this life.

I missed Leo always being so confident in what we had to do. I missed feeling protected and secure with Raph covering my back. I even missed Mikey's quick snarks and teasing of the bad guys.

I missed having someone I could trust and not being afraid all the time of the people around me suddenly betraying me.

I let out a deep breath.

_Okay,_ I thought,_ I'll just imagine they're here._

_Leo: Okay guys we need a plan of escape._

_Raph: I say we just punch them in the face and see if they'll keep playing games then._

_Mikey: Pfft I wish they were playing fun games. This stuff they're putting us through is just weird_

_Leo: Focus guys we need to find a way to get home._

I smiled to myself; maybe I really was going crazy. And with that I drifted into another dream.

* * *

_The dreams I had were all weird in the same ways. They felt like memories even though I know they didn't belong to me, but still I felt like I was living them._

_For instance I remembered living in a small apartment with only two bedrooms. The master bedroom for my father, and the room I shared with my three brothers. I could imagine it being half h size of the master bedroom and only barely having enough room to fit two sets of bunk-beds and a dresser. None of us had much stuff_

_I was in the small bathroom across from our room preparing an ice bag for Michael, whose injuries I contributed no small part of._

_Once I finished I stopped in the doorway and grimaced at the sight before me._

_Michael was on the bottom bed both cradling his badly bruised thigh and whining loudly about the pain._

_"You know you didn't have to attempt murder Leon!" he snapped at the eldest._

_Leon rolled his eyes, it was easy to tell he was feeling guilty about the whole thing, but Michael was pushing it._

_"What was I supposed to do? Disobey father? Maybe if you paid attention to your training and took the matches seriously you wouldn't get so hurt." He snapped right back to him._

_Michael glared at him then flopped himself on the bed, "I don't even like fighting, why do we have train like this?"_

_"Because," Leon groaned, "Jiujutsu teaches one honor and discipline and…"_

_"Urg would you can it already with the father's-just-trying-to-do-what's-best-for-us routine?" Ralph rudely interrupted, "It's obvious he just does it to make sure we're always under his control…and to see us get hurt of course."_

_Ralph was lying on his back dwindling his hands, "Besides," he added softy, "I don't really think he even …likes us."_

_It was at that point I decided to enter the now completely silent room and joined Michael on the bed. I sat close to him and rested the cool bag on his thigh._

_"This should help." I said softly._

_He smiled, "Don't know what I'd do without you Danny,"_

_I returned the gesture while Ralph scoffed, "You can't just keep babying him all the time Danny. Mike's gotta learn to lick his own wounds."_

_"I'm not licking anything Ralph, I'm just giving him some ice," I joked, trying to lighten the mood._

_Only Michael snickered though._

_"Sounds like maybe Ralphie wants to be licked himself, right Danny?"_

_I laughed, "Are you volunteering Mike?"_

_Michael laughed louder and Ralph hurled a pillow at my face, "You knuckleheads are disgusting! Now go to bed!" he snapped and covered himself with his blankets._

_"Yeesh," Michael said, "Looks like he's in one of his moods again._

_Leon rolled his eyes, "Good night you two." He said then turned off the lights._


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note- **Hey guys I am back with an extra long chapter for the wait! Thank you all for reviwing and being patient and look to speedier updates from now on!

* * *

The only part of being a human I actually enjoyed was being able to comfortably lie in a bed.

As a turtle with a large hard shell this wasn't easy. I mean it was always doable, it just took some work, usually with at least an hour or two of rolling from side to side trying to find a good position to fall asleep in. And somehow the optimal position changed from night to night.

This never really bothered me with the concerns of sleeping though, since I was always one to avoid the bed unless absolutely and necessary. However it did make the simple task of lying down and just thinking difficult.

It was a very small and weird thing to envy about the human body, but I always kind of longed to just lie on my back, stare at the ceiling and just think, allowing my relentless thoughts to just eventually die down and carry me into a peaceful slumber.

Now that I had that however, I realized it was a stupid thing to wish for. Mostly because I figured that it wasn't the shell on my back keeping me from sleeping, but my relentless thoughts, that profoundly refused to settle down.

I rolled to my side for what had t have been the hundredth time since I woke up an hour ago and groaned inwardly to myself.

It was at that point I couldn't help but remember a movie Mikey made me watch a year or two ago. I forgot what it was called but it was about this man stranded all alone on an island. Eventually after weeks of not being able to communicate to anyone else, he drew a face on a softball and started talking to it. He even named it and referred to it as his 'friend'.

Mikey loved it; I found it creepy and improbable.

However now I was considering doing the same thing to my pillow.

I just had so many thoughts racing through me that I felt if I didn't get them out somehow, my brain would explode, or maybe something less melodramatic.

Point was I needed an outlet.

I needed to talk to someone about these dreams I kept having. How they felt like memories, but I knew they weren't mine. How I kept feeling that I was somehow in this Daniel guy's mind, but not in control of his actions.

I was starting to think maybe they were actual memories. Maybe this Daniel guy was a real person, and they implanted my brain into his body somehow! Maybe that was the reason I was having his memories.

My entire body shuddered until rational Donatello interjected.

If they somehow did implant my mind into someone else's body, which no technology is nearly advanced enough to do, then why would they place me in a mental hospital? And why would they want me believing I had schizophrenia?

It made no sense. But then again, nothing here made sense.

I lightly slapped my face with my hand. But I shouldn't have even been focused on the dreams, but rather some way to get out of here.

At least I could deduce that they probably didn't have my brothers, since no one else was listed as being a teenager. But they did have Casey. Plus they had me in Northampton, which was a three hour drive from the city, and at least two days' worth of travel on foot.

I was about to plunge myself into a sea of more concerns when Dr. O'Neil and Dr. Goldstein came in.

I sat up and immediately frowned at the latter's presence. Dr. O'Neil seemed to be very uneasy as well.

"I have come to oversee your next therapy session with Dr. Jones," Dr. Goldstein announced before exchanging a good morning, "I understand that the last time didn't go so well. However my assistant has claimed that you seem to be thriving with individual attention and deserve a second chance."

Dr. O'Neil shifted uncomfortably and I raised an eyebrow at her. Needless to say I wasn't too eager about going back to a 'therapy group' comprised with my worst enemies. However I really couldn't pass up an opportunity to see Casey, especially since I needed to do more snooping around the place if I was to come up with a solid escape plan.

I nodded towards them and held out my hands to be cuffed.

* * *

"Today we're going to be talking about identity, and what makes you you." Dr. Jones started with a smile and slowly walked laps around the room. "Now the dictionary defines identity as being who a person is."

With great difficulty I found myself trying to keep track of what he was saying and Dr. Goldstein in the back corner jotting down notes on his clipboard every so often.

Dr. Jones paused and looked at Bradford, "Now Chris, can you please share with us what that definition means to you?"

Bradford snorted, "That the dictionary was written by clueless hippies like you?"

The rest of the group laughed, but Dr. Jones just ignored them, "To me the two words that stick out are being and person. What makes a person a person? Well according to many authors, anthropologists, and psychologists, a person is defined by their actions, their reactions, and their relationships with other people."

He looked at me this time and smiled, "Daniel, what were some of your actions that have defined who you are as a person?"

I stared at him blankly, obviously startled at the question. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Dr. Goldstein looking up from his clipboard.

Should I be honest? I didn't really see what I could gain from lying.

With a deep breath, I answered "I-I guess the actions that define me are those that I did to defend the city, my friends and family. I guess my fights with the Shredder and Kraang were..."

I stopped when the group around me began laughing at me hysterically. Dr. Goldstein narrowed his eyes at me and began furiously writing on his clipboard. I wanted to sink into my chair.

"Hey come on now, that's enough." Dr. Jones said sternly, "This is a place where we are all open and accepting of one another." he turned back to me, "Sorry about that Daniel, now do you think you can tell me about the most important relationships that you have?"

I smiled softly; I didn't even have to think about this one, "I suppose those would be the ones I had with my brothers. Leon, Michael, and Ralph were really the only ones I ever..."

I stopped short in shock.

Those names they just slipped out, almost as if I really believed they were my true family.

I felt my entire body shaking and as soon as I could find my voice again I whispered, "I-I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Dr. Jones rested his hand in my shoulder, "It's okay Daniel, whatever you can share is fine."

He continued to talk, but I no longer had the ability to listen to him. Instead I stared straight ahead in horror, quietly panicking about that split second I forgot about Leo, Raph and Mikey.

I only barely noticed Dr. Goldstein quietly exiting the room.

* * *

I stayed behind long after the rest of the group left, still staring in shocked silence at the floor in front of me.

"You wanna go continue working on that fuse?" Dr. Jones asked, snapping me out of my trance.

I looked up at him and he winked. It suddenly occurred to me that he saw through my fried fuse lie, heck he probably never even fell for it to begin with.

I really didn't want to. I wanted to just go back to my cell and sleep off my newly formed migraine, but I knew time was of the essence. The quicker I learned about the building, the quicker I could escape.

I nodded and followed him solemnly.

When we got to the reception room he looked back at me and smiled sympathetically. "Hey I'm sorry about what happened back there. Those guys don't always think before acting."

"Why was Dr. Goldstein there?" I asked. I really could care less about what the group thought of me.

Dr. Jones stopped short and hesitated, "Uhh, well you see that's complicated Daniel…"

"Hey guys," Dr. O'Neil said cheerfully, coming in with a tray holding three sandwiches, "Daniel I snatched you a turkey and ham sandwich this time." She snickered.

"Umm thanks but…"

"Heh you know April, they're eventually gonna get on your case for stealing food for him." Dr. Jones laughed.

Dr. O'Neil laughed and put her hand on her hip. "What makes you think they know what I'm doing?"

I sighed and took the sandwich from her. I figured it didn't really matter what Dr. Goldstein wanted with me anyway.

* * *

We had lunch in the same place we ate last night's dinner. This time admiring the brilliant blue sky as Dr. Jones talked about his old hockey days in high school.

"Dr. O'Neil," Dr. Goldstein called from a room a little bit down the hall, "A word please."

Dr. O'Neil frowned and reluctantly out her half eaten sandwich down, "I'm sorry guys."

She then scuttled to Dr. Goldstein and together they disappeared around the corner and out of my sight.

I stared after them. The whole thing seemed too suspicious for me to just ignore.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I said and pushed myself away from the table.

I followed the same path they went slowly enough not to raise alarm. When I rounded the corner I couldn't see them but heard voices coming from a nearby door.

I put my ear by said door to hear their hushed conversation.

"After careful evaluation do you believe that he is a liable candidate for the clinical trials?" Dr. Goldstein's deep voice said.

"Absolutely, I actually think he's one of the most promising patients we have here." Dr. O'Neil replied.

My stomach dropped and I had the undeniable feeling they were talking about me.

"I agree." Dr. Goldstein said, "But only if you stick to protocol, it is very important he be in the right mental state when we start them. Have you been treating him with the pills?"

"Yes," she said, and paused, "But I've been putting them in his food without is acknowledgment, I still don't think he completely trusts me yet."

I pulled myself away from the door and had to fight my instinct to sink to the floor.

They had been drugging my food!? All this time?

As if on cue my stomach let out a low deep growl and I suddenly felt nauseous like I had just eaten one of Mikey's homemade pizzas.

"Very good, I will continue to keep an eye on him, but I am very proud of you for taking charge so far." Dr. Goldstein said.

"Thank you Doctor."

I gasped as I heard them slowly walk to the door.

Within a second I bolted back to the table where Dr. Jones sat waiting.

"Hey buddy," he said as I dropped into my chair panting, "Did you find the bathroom okay?"

I ignored him though and instead glared at Dr. O'Neil's and Dr. Goldstein's departing figures.

* * *

Dr. Jones tried to bring up more conversation with me several times as we continued working on the fuse, but I wasn't interested.

I was mad.

And I knew I shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have been feeling such deep betrayal. I knew I shouldn't have trusted anyone. No matter what they said or did they were still my captors and they were still keeping me locked up. I knew these people were lying to me from the second I got there.

But they were just so good at it. Especially Dr. O'Neil.

As much as I hated to admit it she was the one thing about this whole thing that had been somewhat bearable.

And even though her cheery out look annoyed me before, I liked that she was the only one who genuinely tried to make me feel welcome.

I liked how she actually seemed to be trying to be my friend.

I scoffed and without thinking banged my screwdriver on the wall.

I should have been mad at myself. I never should have let myself get so entangled in their lies. I never should have exposed so much of myself to anyone here. No matter how friendly they seemed.

Dr. Jones looked me over with concern, "Hey Daniel, you feeling okay?" he asked.

"I need a walk." I said shortly and left before he could say anything else.

If anything this proved that I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. If they were drugging my food with God knows what, giving me hallucinations could have only been the beginning.

For the next three hours I scoped out the hallway and a few places a little beyond it to memorize all I could about the building's layout. Then Dr. Jones finally came to get me and took me back to my cell.

* * *

When Dr. O'Neil came in with a tray containing rice and some kind of soup I immediately turned my back from her.

I heard the tray gently touch the floor then her soft voice, "Daniel, I brought you dinner."

With clenched fists I stormed over to her just as she was sliding the tray through the bars. I took one look her, then the food, and angrily flipped the tray in disgust.

She gasped and the food landed all over her shoes.

"Daniel!" she started.

"You tricked me!" I yelled, "You've been putting drugs in my food all this time without telling me!"

I glared hard at her. It was another Raph move, but right now I really wasn't feeling like Donatello.

She sighed, "You heard that huh?"

I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Look I'm sorry Daniel, but I knew you wouldn't be comfortable with taking pills, but I can assure you this medication…."

"I don't want to hear it!" I yelled, her voice felt like knives digging through my skin.

With that I stormed back to my bed and shielded myself in the covers. Not only had she nearly gotten away with lying to me, but now it felt like she was mocking me about it as well.

She sighed, "I understand, I'll have someone come by and clean this up tomorrow. Good night Daniel."

With that I heard her footsteps silently retreating back to the door and I found myself fighting a growing lump in my throat.

* * *

_I was sitting in the back row of the class, intently focusing on my notes when the bell rang and dismissed everyone._

_Keeping to myself I collected all my things and walked slowly to the door._

_"Just a minute Daniel." the teacher called from behind his desk._

_"Y-yes Mr. Menasche." I said nervously._

_He smiled, "I just wanted to tell you that you have the highest standardized testing score in the school, you're performance was particularly impressive in the science field."_

_I stared at him in shock so he continued, "Anyways the rest of the science teachers and I think you will be a very promising for the Golden Gate Milena Program. Do you know what that is?"_

_I shook my head._

_"Well it takes young bright students like yourself, and ships them off to the Ivy league college of their choosing a few years early. And you know the best part? They pay for all of your education! So you can get a full ride to whatever college you choose."_

_"Wow," I said softy._

_"As you would probably have guessed this program is extremely competitive. Only the best of the best get in. However since you have one of the, if not the highest GPAs in the schools you are definitely in that category." He finished._

_I stayed quiet. I had no idea what to say. This all sounded like my own personal fairytale._

_Mr. Menasche just continued, "A couple of the main directors of the program are coming Friday to see the science fair and I think it would improve your chances if you impressed them."_

_"Y-yes sir." I said quickly finding my voice._

_"Excellent!" he said cheerfully and pulled out a sheet of paper from his desk. "Here's the application, the fee in one hundred dollars and you have until Friday to send it in."_

_I froze and my excitement dissipated. I didn't have that much money, not even close. I stayed quiet however, took the paper and silently left._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note-** Longest chapter yet! Enjoy!

* * *

I bit my finger as I stared at the layout of the building I had craved in the wall from memory with some of the forks I had collected from the meal times.

I had been careful to keep it small enough to be hidden by the head of my bed if anyone came to investigate. However for the moment, it wasn't doing me any good.

I originally thought to make an escape through the vent system and end up outside, however the shafts were too small to squeeze even my slender body through, plus there weren't any in the room my cell was being kept in or the hallway outside of it.

I had then thought I could pick the lock and then sneak out the back, maybe even 'borrowing' one of the guard's uniforms as to not draw any attention. Unfortunately, and much to my embarrassment, the lock was too advanced for me to pick with any kind of primitive method. I would have needed either my digital lock pick, which I kept forgetting to turn into a keychain, or some other high tech tools that I was pretty sure the guards wouldn't be okay with me just hoarding.

So I was left with my least favorite option.

And this was the option that also required me to abandon Casey.

I clenched my fists and groaned inwardly. Just the thought of abandoning him here sent chills down my spine. Who knows what kind of punishment he would face from these lunatics if I escaped? And what if they figured he was in on it?

I tried to reason with myself. Even if I could figure out a way to bust the two of us out, the chances we would both get away with it were slim to none. Especially with Casey brainwashed into thinking that he works for these people. The only hope I would have is if I knocked him out and somehow carried him back to the city.

With a sigh I pushed the bed back into place, completely concealing my diagram.

I knew Raph would never forgive me if I let something happened to Casey. Heck I'd never forgive myself. The only way I could somewhat wiggle out of my guilty conscious was inwardly promising myself that the second I was with my brothers again we'd all come back for him.

The door opened and this time a guard I didn't know carried in a tray with oatmeal on top.

"I was told to tell you that it hasn't been tampered with." he said in a gruff voice and dropped the tray so it clattered on the ground.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms, not making a move towards the food.

"Suit yourself," the guard shrugged and walked out of the room.

I flinched when the door slammed and headed back to work on my diagram again.

I was really ready to get out of that place.

* * *

This time I completely ignored the ongoing therapy session and instead put all my effort into avoiding eye contact with Dr. O'Neil, who somehow had the gall to stand in the back corner and watch.

As hard as I tried however, I couldn't bring myself to be mad at her. Instead I was hurt.

I knew she was only doing her job, granted it was a sick and corrupted job, but for some reason I also thought she thought of me as someone different. Not just as some other hopeless patient.

The therapy session ended and as usual I stayed behind. Dr. Jones came up to me not looking too happy.

I couldn't blame him. I didn't say a word the entire session even after he prodded me with several questions and persistently encouraged me to participate.

"Well I fixed the fuse yesterday." he said simply.

My heart jumped. I was planning on stealing some small tools from his tool box to help with my escape.

I bit my lip, "Don't you want me to check it? Make sure everything's working okay?" I said quickly.

Dr. Jones frowned, "You know if you want to talk to me one on one Daniel you can just ask. We don't need to be fixing something." he said.

I panicked when I couldn't think of a good response.

"Actually the air conditioning in building two needs to be looked at Dr. Jones." Dr. O'Neil interrupted walking up between us, "I was going to tell you after group."

I shot him a pleading look and he rolled his eyes, "Alright, alright, wanna help Daniel?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded eagerly. And out of the corner of my eye I saw Dr. O'Neil softly grin. My face immediately fell into a glare, I was far too mad to be grateful to her for anything.

* * *

As luck would rarely have it, the air conditioning was actually in really desperate need of repair. It took all of Dr. Jones and my combined focus and effort to get things going again and thus strongly discouraged talking between us.

Something that I was incredibly grateful for.

Between obsessively worrying about every detail of my escape and avoiding all forms of eye contact with Dr. Jones out of guilt, I could hardly keep my attention on the task at hand much less keep up a conversation.

After three straight hours of work (well for me anyway, Dr. Jones took off thirty minutes for lunch) Dr. Jones pulled away from the vent and wiped his forehead.

"Whew! Well I think that'll do for today Daniel, I'm pooped."

I slowly pulled away as well and discretely shoved the screw driver in my pocket. I had been sure to keep Dr. Jones's toolbox out of his sight as much as I could.

"We can finish tomorrow." I said uneasily closing the toolbox and hoping that he wouldn't detect the fear in my voice.

His face fell, "Hey so Daniel, I heard about what happened between you and April, and just wanted to say..." he took a deep breath, "We're only trying to do what's best for you, and to do that, we can't always tell you everything… upfront. You understand?"

I folded my arms and looked to the floor, "You mean you have to lie to me?" I muttered.

"Well..." he sighed, "Yes, but they're good lies. Lies that are supposed to help you."

I gave him a confused glance. Good lie? Somehow that sounded like an oxymoron or something.

I didn't say anything and Dr. Jones walked me back to my cell in silence. When we got there I suddenly wanted to spill my guts, get on the floor, and beg for his forgiveness.

Instead I whimpered, "Hey Casey?"

He jumped a little when I used his first name, "Yeah Daniel?"

I gulped then said, "Promise me you'll look out for yourself. Okay?"

He gave me a puzzled look and was just about to respond when a guard came from behind us and shuffled me into the cell.

"Your shift is over Jones, go home." he said, and walked out the door.

Dr. Jones sighed reluctantly and turned to me, "We'll talk tomorrow Daniel." then left the room.

* * *

Around four hours later, after my dinner had been delivered and I no longer heard footsteps out in the hallway, I set to work.

The only words I had to describe my escape plan were stupid, desperate and disgusting. If my brothers were here they'd never go along with it. But then again if my brothers were here, I'd like to see them try and come up with something better.

One of the first unique things I noticed about my cell was that the toilet was not cemented to the ground, but bolted down with screws. And that was probably done a long time ago since rust was forming around the edges.

Also, the area my cell room was in was one of the oldest parts of the building (originally constructed in the 1800s) or at least the part that had gone the longest without being restored.

Finally, I noticed that there was a creaking sound every time I tried to flush the toilet. It would also back up at least every three uses, which probably meant there was a leak in some very weak pipes.

So ultimately I decided to unscrew the toilet, dismantle the water pipes beneath, and crawl through the tunnels until I got to the main sewer line. From there I would break into it and shuffle my way to freedom.

I grimaced for the hundredth time as I got on my hands and knees and began unscrewing the first screw. Tonight would most definitely be in the running for one of the most disgusting nights of my life. But it would all be worth it if I could get home.

The screws around the toilet all ended up having a fine coat of rust surround them, which made unscrewing them all the more difficult. By the time I finished with the last one my hands were burning and had turned a bright red color.

I put down the screwdriver and tried moving the toilet seat as far forward as it would go. Then I went around its side to see where it connected with the first pipe.

As I thought, it too was covered in brown and red, heck it was probably now more rust then metal.

I positioned myself on my back, aimed my legs and kicked it as hard as I could, shuddering at the echoing sound it made. I really hope the guad had fallen asleep again like he did every night.

After the pipe stopped shaking, I kicked it again, harder this time.

When there was no commotion after the resulting noise, I gathered up all my courage and kicked it as hard as I could.

It burst immediately, erupting dark brown water all over the floor.

I pushed the toilet out of the way completely, picked up the screw driver again, and starting working on detaching the next pipe. Luckily I was right again to assume that it's been awhile since these pipes had been looked at. Heck they could have even been the ones first installed.

After a combination of unscrewing and yanking I managed to remove the next water pipe, leaving a tunnel just big enough to crawl through.

The excess water was draining into the foundation, which was mostly a dirt-like substance. However I knew that it wouldn't last long. As soon as the foundation was completely soaked, the water would start flooding the tunnel.

I continued working with relative ease to detach the third and fourth pipes. As I got deeper and deeper I knew it was more and more likely that I would either suffocate if the tunnel collapsed, or drown if too much water leaked out. Either one likely to happen if the way to the main sewage pipe was further away then I predicted.

I continued my route, dismantling pipe after pipe for twenty more minutes. By that time the now water was up to my chin making me have to constantly be straining my neck in order to avoid some leaking into my mouth.

Finally after yanking out another pipe, and by that time I lost count of how many I dismantled, I came to the light at the end of the tunnel, sort to speak.

Okay, well it really wasn't much like a light but more of a smell, a terrible smell. A smell worse than my home in the New York sewers, the inside of Leatherhead's mouth, and the mutagen ooze, combined.

I nearly threw up the instance it went through my nose, but luckily I hadn't eaten for more than a day so nothing came out.

Taking a deep breath, I yanked head and shoulders out of the small tunnel I was crawling through into dark opening. Light was all but absent there, but after squinting I managed to recognize a vertical, metal looking pipe not far in front of me.

Praying that it was sturdier then it looked, I threw my arms around it and fought to get a good hold. The slim it was soaked in nearly cause me to lose my grip, but after digging my fingers through the rust as much as I could, I managed to steady myself.

Then slowly and nervously I swung the rest of my body out and wrapped my legs around it as well.

The pipe creaked at my weight but held strong. I took a deep breath, and then careful began the climb down.

It was too dark to tell how far down I had to climb, but for all I knew if I fell it could be fatal. My heart pounded as I tried to think back to all of Splinter's lessons on patience and balance.

The key to both was keeping a cool head.

After a two minute descent my foot finally felt something solid.

Tightening my upper body's grip of the pipe, I let my legs drop and find their own hold on the pipe below. Once they found one, I let the rest of my body drop and ended up with my face directly on top of the rusted, algae covered metal top of the main sewage pipe.

I pulled myself up and searched my pockets for the screwdriver, which had held strong the entire time. Then I searched the pipe for the most rusted area of the pipe.

When I felt my hands roughly rub against gritty ceramic pocket, I took my screwdriver and hit the area as hard as I could with it. The metal banged but did not give. I pulled back and hit it again, and again. Over and over, I viciously fought the final obstacle keeping me from freedom.

Finally the ceramic burst and the pipe erupted with the same mud brown water as before. However this time it hit my face directly and somehow managed to smell worse ten before

I pulled my face out and frantically wiping the rancid water out of my eyes and spitting t out of my mouth as it finally died down.

Finally, when I could see again, I worked on my hole until it was big enough so I could slip my entire body through.

The water inside the pipe was uncomfortably warm and lumpy. However the odor was by far the worst thing about it, and was so overwhelming I could hardly breathe. My eyes watered and I literally thought I would lose my sense of smell after this.

The pipe around me gave a little more wiggle room, but not much. And after spending all that time in such a small space I was beginning to feel very claustrophobic. Nevertheless I managed to move my arms and legs and get a slow crawl going.

I wasn't sure how far I had to go or where I'd even end up. I only knew where ever it was, it would be better than the place from where I came.

Three hours.

It took my three hours to crawl through that pipe, which from my calculations stretched at least a mile long, until I finally reached the dimmed moonlight.

There was a gentle rain outside, and as soon as I felt the first cool drops of water on my face, I felt a wave of encouragement which allowed me to yank myself out of the pipe and fall into the freezing stream below.

Falling into that stream I felt more relieved than ever before in my life, and I allowed my body to gently float to catch my breath.

I smiled; despite the fact that I still had the taste of that water in my mouth, that I was shivering down to my bones, and that I too exhausted too move.

I smiled because I was free.

I jumped out of my short trance as thunder cracked from above me. Immediately I swam to the edge of the stream and pulled myself out of the muddy banks.

I knew I was too exhausted to start making my trip back home, so I decided to find a good place to hide and rest until the storm stopped.

A large gathering of bushes and water grass a couple feet away caught my eye and I crawled there.

It wasn't ideal, the bushes though concealed me, offered little to no protection from the rain, and the mud underneath me engulfed half of my body. However it was the best around, and at that point I was so exhausted I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the ground.

* * *

_I never really made any friends aside from my brothers. Heck, I never really talked to anyone aside from my brothers._

_There was never any need too. The other kids never seemed to like me very much, and I never really wanted to give the effort to getting to know someone else. So the idea seemed silly._

_It was something that Leon, Ralph and I all had in common. Not Michael though._

_All Michael ever wanted was to do was met other people and make as many friends as possible. However since I was always with Michael my presence always sort of warded off any potential candidates he had. Besides the Hamato family didn't have the best reputation in the school anyway._

_He never really seemed to mind though, or at least he never showed any resentment to me or Leon and Ralph for essentially holding him back socially. I guess he figured that if his brothers scared other kids off, it was their loss._

_I found him sitting at our usual lunch table by himself. I dropped my bag and took the seat next to him._

_Michael turned to me and grinned as he attempted to balance a spork on his nose._

_"Hey Danny get a load of this, I'm a seal!" he laughed and mimicked one by barking._

_I rolled my eyes and gave him a pity smile, "Well you always have a way to make lunch time more interesting."_

_"Ha, you know it!" he said, then his eyes flew to my pockets where the edges of the application stuck out, "Hey what's that?" he asked before I had a chance to hide it._

_"Oh this?" I said slowly trying to shove it in my bag, "It's nothing it's just..."_

_Michael ignored me and snatched the paper out of my hands, "Looks like an application!" he said, "What for?"_

_I sighed, "It's just for this program that helps students get into college early with a full ride."_

_"Dude that sounds awesome! You gonna apply?" he asked eagerly._

_I sighed and shook my head, taking the paper back from him._

_"Well, why not?" he asked with concern._

_"The application is due Friday and the fee is a hundred dollars, I can't afford that."_

_Michael frowned at me sympathetically "Well that sucks, but can't you just ask father?"_

_I huffed "Oh yeah cause he's known for his generosity." I said sarcastically._

_At that moment Ralph and Leon came and joined us at the table._

_"How many times do I have to tell the football team that I'm not interested in trying out?" Ralph complained as he slammed his lunch tray onto the table, "I'm sick of them always harassing me!"_

_"Why don't you try out Ralphie?" Michael asked. "Being a part of the football team means all access passes to parties, babes, and..."_

_"Taking part in extra-curricular activities would take away time for training with father," Leon interrupted, then smirked, "Besides he probably wouldn't make the team anyway."_

_"What!?" Ralph yelled and slammed his fists on the table._

_"Easy Ralph," Michael interjected, "We've got bigger problems."_

_Leon and Ralph both shot him a confused look and Michael gestured to my application again._

_"Danny has the chance of a lifetime to go off to college early but he can't afford the application fee!"_

_Leon and Ralph both looked at me and I sunk down in my seat, "Really its no big deal..."_

_"No big deal!?" Michael cried, "Dude this is your future we're talking about here. Who knows if you'll have another chance like this?!"_

_He then scanned our brothers, "Okay bros, time to give in, fork over any doe ya have."_

_Ralph and Leon both glared at him._

_"Mike you know we don't have any money either." Ralph snapped._

_"And besides I don't think father would approve of the idea of one of us leaving early." Leon added._

_I had had enough._

_"I know! I know!" I said, "It was a dumb idea any way."_

_I pulled away from the table, got up and started walking away._

_"Hey Danny, where ya going?" Michael called after me._

_"Class." I said, then hurried off before he had the chance to say anything else._


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note-** The one where shit gets real...

* * *

It was still dark and lightly raining when I woke up.

But I didn't notice. Instead I focused on my entire body shivering so hard my teeth were rattling, and my stomach making deep moaning sound from hunger and grogginess.

Nevertheless, it was probably one of the best mornings I ever had because when I woke up I was free.

The mud that surrounded me already had caked on my skin and I just noticed my arms were scratched up from all the crawling through the rusted pipes. I grimaced, even after a thousand showers I didn't think I would have ever felt clean again.

I forced myself to my feet and steadied myself to avoid fainting from feeling so lightheaded. When I felt I could walk safely again, I went as close as I could to the edge of the stream without sinking into the mud, then set a hurried pace on a direction opposite of the sunrise.

I figured since the sun was just barely peeking out of the horizon that I had a good two hours until they noticed I was gone. By that time I would have been at least eight miles away, twelve if I hustled. And the foot prints I was making seemed to be wash away as soon as I made them.

From time to time I heard a car rushing by above me. I figured I must have been a few feet away from the street, but well concealed by the ditch like pathway that surrounded the stream.

However I also figured that they would soon deduce from my handy work on the toilet and the broken pipes that I had escaped through the sewers, and the pipes and surrounding areas would probably be the first place they'd check.

So I had a dilemma, stay well concealed traveling by the stream but also be in the same place they would look first, or go up to the road and search for a nearby forest with the risk of being caught by a car.

I decided to compromise, I'd spend the next hour by the stream getting as much distance as I could, then spend my final hour of darkness looking for another good place to hide.

Satisfied I quickened my pace to a run. I suddenly felt a pang of sadness as memories of patrol runs with my brothers came flooding back to me.

* * *

I was nervous about going home, excited but nervous. My brothers would find it very suspicious that a complete stranger came directly to our hidden lair in the sewer. They might even try attacking me before I had a chance to talk.

Of course as soon as I could, I would explain everything, and blurt out things only their brother Donatello would know. Like how Leo was afraid of heights until he was eight, or how Mikey used to put crunched up bugs in Raph's food when we were five.

I smiled, then they would recognize me, we'd have a happy reunion, I'd be welcomed back home, take a three hour shower, eat five extra-large cheese pizzas, get a twelve hour sleep in my real bed, then focus the next few days on planning a rescue mission for Casey and figuring out a way to turn me normal again.

I took a deep breath, I'm so close, I kept telling myself, and it was those thoughts and more that kept me going.

After an hour, and four miles of jogging, I kept the promise to myself and slowly made my way up the ditch and peered out at the road ahead.

There were more cars then there had been when I first started out, but not many. And more importantly there was a large, extensive forest right across the street.

With quick and relative ease I crossed the street and managed to find a trail in the forest where I was completely concealed but still had a good view of the road. The only problem was that I was already getting tired.

I knew it was largely because I hadn't eaten on drank anything in a while and crawling through that sewer pipe took a lot out of me. And even though I figured if I took the time to find some food and water and rest up a little more I'd be able to make better time in the long run, I couldn't risk it.

God knows what they'd do to me if they found me all the way out here.

I decided to suck it up and slightly slow my pace, keeping an hear out for any suspicious vehicles.

After another three hours of peaceful jogging and no sound of any search parties I decided to take a break. By this time my legs where killing me and my stomach wouldn't stop growling.

The sun was now high in the sky and I knew for sure they had noticed I was gone and were probably scoping out the inwards of the sewage system and the surrounding streams.

I wondered what Dr. Goldstein and Dr. O'Neil were doing. The former was probably organizing a bunch of search parties to go after me. But what about Dr. O'Neil? Was she worried about me?

I nearly smacked myself on the forehead. What the heck did it matter? Once I got back home I'd never have anything to do with her or any of the others again.

It took me a relatively short time to find another small stream not too far from where I was walking. The surface of the water however was covered in small bugs and algae.

I grimaced and debated if it was worth the risk of cholera if I could get rehydrated again and decided I wasn't that desperate...yet.

I didn't have much luck foraging for food either. And its funny too, from all the cartoons and movies about survival in the woods you think that the forest has its own berry supermarket or something.

But as usual the cartoons lied, and after an hour or so of looking, I ended up napping in a nice soft pile of leaves with an empty stomach.

I stirred when I heard a shuffling sound in the room, and then opened my eyes when a large clump sound came from the floor.

I groaned and wiped my eyes, it wasn't morning yet, but the room was light enough for me to make out shadows and figures. I was just about to lean over and grab my cell phone to check the time when I felt something light and paper-like suddenly floating down on my head.

* * *

_I pulled it out of my hair and squinted to see a ten dollar bill in my hands._

_"Surprise Danny boy!"_

_I jumped to see Michael sitting right on my bed throwing money at me like it was confetti._

_"Wh-what?" I asked._

_"Dude I hooked you up! I was able to find a hundred bucks for your application!"_

_My eyes widened and I sat up immediately, "Wait what?" I asked again, then started collecting the money to see if he was right._

_Sure enough he delivered a hundred dollars right to my bed._

_"Where did you get this?" I asked nervously, suddenly worried he had robbed a bank or something._

_He hesitated, "Uh, well...thats not important, now come on we have to..."_

_"Mike, where did you get this?" I asked again sternly._

_He sighed, "I sold my Tony Raptor skateboard."_

_My jaw nearly dropped, that skateboard signed by Michael's all-time favorite pro skater, was one of his most precious belongings. It was not just his only skateboard, but his only means of transportation, and only way he could practice his beloved hobby as well._

_"B-but you loved that thing." I protested._

_"Psst, it was just some painted wood and wheels," he said, then smiled at me, "This is your future we're talking about here Danny. I-I want you to take this chance and be...happy."_

_I stared at the money and then at him. I was truly speechless._

_Finally I smiled and pulled him into a tight hug, "Thank you." I whispered into his neck._

_He laughed softly, "Thank me by getting that application in on time!" he said, "You only have a few more hours."_

* * *

Sounds of footsteps and barked orders snapped me back into reality like a whip, and I nearly jumped out of my shell...skin when I heard someone say, "I heard something over hear."

My heart stopped and I held my breath. I was concealed enough by the foliage from a far distance, but if someone came closer they'd be able to see me in seconds.

I looked up and saw a tall pine tree towering above me. It's branches were just low enough so that I could climb them, and it was lush with evergreen pine needles. The only problem was climbing it quickly without being heard.

When the footsteps came closer I panicked and leaped to the closest branch I could find, then scrabbled up the next few as fast as my wonky arms and legs would allow.

I cursed inwardly as branches cracked underneath my feet, it was probably one of the un-stealthiest moves of my career as a ninja.

Luckily the men belonging to those footsteps were still nowhere in sight and I continued to a branch where I was sure to be concealed. Then I curled into as tight a ball as I could and listened for anymore sounds of other people.

Seconds passed, then minutes.

Finally, when I could breathe easy again, I stuck my head out as far as I dared and scanned the area. As far as I could tell the rest of the area was clear.

I sighed in relief and relaxed my body as I scanned the forest floor a second time to be sure.

"There he is!" a voice cried from behind me.

I yelped, suddenly as if my ninja skills were robbed from me, and swung around wildly looking for the man that voice belonged to, and in the process I slipped off the branch and plummeted 15ft down the tree.

Continuing my unprecedented streak of stupidity I shrieked in pain, forced myself up, then sprinted in the other direction, refusing to look back.

My brothers probably would have been laughing their butts off, but I was terrified. Heck at that moment I would have rather been chased by the Shredder then from the maniacs of the mental hospital.

* * *

My burst of energy lasted a lot longer than I ever thought it could have. Even after twenty minutes of sprinting, long after I was sure I lost the guys, I didn't stop running. In fact I just kept going until hours after the sunset and only stopped because my legs literally gave out from exhaustion and had me falling face first into the ground.

I lay there for at least an hour no longer caring who or what was behind me.

I had never been so thoroughly exhausted in my life. Physically and mentally I was utterly drained, unable to find the energy or desire I needed to pull myself back up again.

I turned to my back, too exhausted to fall asleep and tried focusing on the stars.

But there were none.

I squinted, thinking there were clouds above me when I realized the stars weren't being blocked out, but dimmed out. It wasn't dark enough to see them.

With a welcomed burst of new hope I forced myself up the nearest tree, peered out and saw it.

The glimmering New York City skyline, shining brighter than any star in the sky, and only a few miles away

Home.

* * *

Finally walking the familiar streets of the city I found myself in a dream-like state, drunk from happiness.

Physically my body was worn up and exhausted, but spiritually I felt like scaling mountains. My heart beating increasingly faster with excitement the closer and closer I got.

I immediately knew my way home the second I dropped down the manhole cover. I took a deep breath and laughed from giddiness.

I never thought I'd say this, but at the moment the smell of home became the sweetest aroma I had known.

I slipped through the subway gates, which simultaneously acted as our front door, closed my eyes and cried, "Hey guys I'm home!"

Nobody answered me.

I looked around and gasped. The place was completely desolate. Not just empty of my family, but abandoned entirely.

The furniture I had grown up with all my life was gone, as was any trace at all that they'd ever been there.

My heart stopped and I gaped. Tears threatened to fall as a now deafening silence overwhelmed me.

"Guys!" I screamed, just to get some sound back in the place. "Leo! Raph! Mikey!"

I ran around the lair, frantically looking for any signs of my brothers but finding none. Finally after I had searched every crack of the place, finding nothing, I fell to my knees in fear and exhaustion.

"Guys!" I screamed louder and more desperately than I ever had before, "Where are you?"

Nothing.

I lost it.

I fell to the floor completely sobbing my eyes out from frustration and just fear.

Where were they? How could they just disappear? Did something happen to them?

At the back of my mind I knew the answer. In fact I had known for a very long time.

I wept deeper and harder than I ever thought I could.

My family was dead and had been for a while. I was the last one left. I was completely alone.

"Daniel!" I heard a now despised voice very from behind me.

Dr. Goldstein stood there with a stern look on his face. Dr. O'Neil and Dr. Jones stood behind him, both looking incredibly concerned and confused.

I leaped to my feet "Y-you murdered them!" I screamed, each of the words putting a bullet of reality and hatred in my chest.

"Daniel you and I both know that's not true."

My eyes widened and I took a good look at my now human hand, shaking viciously, and then stared up at him again.

The thought finally came to me that they could have been telling the truth this whole time.

With that thought I felt my entire body give in to the weight of the despair around me and without any strength to fight anymore, fell straight into darkness..


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note-** Beware Readers this chapter is where this story gets its T rating! Btw for those of you that caught it, the escape in chapter 8 was in fact a homage to the Shawshank Redemption. (which I also do not own)

* * *

_My chest felt light and I couldn't fight the hints of a smile off of my face as I walked down the block to our apartment building._

_In one hand I held my science fair project, a small robot I invented, able to walk and talk of which I called 'the Fugitoid'. In the other was a blue first place ribbon I had won for it._

_I kept replaying the praises and remarks the heads of the scholarship program had given to me after they presented me with the first place award._

_It was really the only time I ever felt somewhat proud of who I was and what I could do._

_I approached the faded stone steps that lead up to my dark green front apartment door and balanced the robot and ribbon in one hand while trying to open the door with the other._

_I frowned when the lock stayed firm, it wasn't like father to leave the door locked if he knew one of us was still out._

_I put down my project and ribbon and searched under the mat until I found the dull gold spare key and used it to get in._

_It was then the smell hit me._

_A weird raw smell that I had never come across before. It was made all the more powerful by the staleness of the air around me._

_"Father?" I called, "Guys?"_

_I walked down the hall until I came to the archway that separated the hallway from the living room and peered inside._

_The first thing that hit me was the sound of the robot falling and smashing on the floor, as if my arm had reacted before my mind. Then my entire body fell into a deep shudder, and I had the strongest urge to vomit._

_Leon, Ralph, and Michael were all laid down on the two white couches of the living room._

_Each soaked within their own dark liquid crimson._

_My eyes fall onto Leon's, wide and lifeless, as they stared blankly at me. It looked as though someone had attempted to do an autopsy on him while he was still living. His entire front side was sliced open, and a few organs from inside were peering out. The blood from his body had soaked through the couch and the sticky liquid was creeping its way onto the wooden floor. His mouth was opened slightly as a steady drip of blood leaked out of that as well._

_Lying right next to him was Ralph. His eyes were stuck in a look of shock, matching the rest of his face as it was attached to his completely bent neck with a nice neat cut right through it. Somehow the amount blood gushing out of his neck was equal to Leon's. His mouth was also open to let out the blood which had probably suffocated him._

_Michael lay on the other couch all by himself, his eyes were plastered shut, with there were several knives jutting out of his chest, the longest of which sticking out of his neck. He wasn't bleeding quite as badly as the others but was slowly catching up._

_It was like my eyes were locked onto the scene so securely that if I tried to look away they would rip out of my head. The world around me halted as if it too had gone into shock. My entire body felt still and I felt that if I had moved a muscle this glass like shard of serenity I was somehow holding onto would shatter and my entire world would fall into chaos._

_The breath left my lungs, my eyes were unblinking, and for a moment, I was as dead as my brothers._

_"Daniel." the voice behind me tore through my shock and sent my nerves into over drive, "How was the science fair?"_

_I faced him, only having the strength to do so to prove to myself that he was really there, that this was really happening._

_He stood in the shadows, but I could still see the blood dripping down his robe. He stepped towards me and the smell of blood and sweat hit me like a bullet. His face was disgustingly calm._

_As I studied him, he looked me over as well, his expression slowly changing to anger._

_"Come son," he said finally, after I refused to answer him, "Let us sit down for dinner."_

_He turned his back towards me and walked into the next room that served as our dining corridors._

_At that moment, I felt myself split in two. The person who I was fell dead on the floor next to my brothers; the person who I became followed Father into the dining room._

* * *

_He had two plates set up on the dining room table, one at the head of the table, the other right next to it. Both plates had a slab of steak splattered onto them with steak knives and forks on a napkin adjacent to it. There were also two glasses of tea._

_My Father took the seat at the head of the table while I numbly took the one next to him and stared intensely at my diner._

_"So how did the science fair go my son?" he asked, picking up his knife and fork to start cutting himself a small piece of meat._

_I said nothing and continued to stare down at my plate, trying desperately to control my breathing and the vengeful urges within me._

_My hands shook as I too gripped my knife and fork and placed them lightly on the meat. Then with a small motion of my hand I moved the knife up and down trying to cut through. When I couldn't I put the utensils down and nearly whispered, "My knife is too dull."_

_The silence of the room suddenly felt like a scream, and I could feel my father glaring down at me as if I were nothing more than a bug._

_"I can't cut my meat." I said, a little louder this time._

_He put down his own knife and fork and leaned to my ear, "Try harder." he hissed._

_I jolted from his voice as if he had spit on me. I felt my hands grip the knife and fork harder._

_"How was the science fair?" he asked for a third time, this time the anger was apparent in his voice._

_I swallowed deeply and softly said, "Good...I won first place."_

_He smiled, "Excellent my son," and picked up his tea, "It is good that..."_

_He was cut off by my scream. Within the next instant I tackled him onto the ground and held down his body. Reality seemed to slip away and I was living in a nightmare. The man underneath me was nothing more than a monster, a monster that needed to be destroyed._

_I screamed louder and more angrily than I thought humanly possible, and used all my strength to plunge the steak knife into his body._

_Once_

_Twice_

_I screamed harder, tears falling uncontrollably. I stopped counting as I urged to make him loose as much blood as my brothers had._

_"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I screamed over and over again, trying to capture how much I hated him in words._

_At first he tried to fight back. He tried to catch my arms and his body struggled beneath me. But I had an advantage. My surprise attack had allowed me to get a hold on him, a hold I refused to lose._

_Eventually he stopped moving all together. His face, once red with anger, turned into one of fear, and finally drained. Blood flowed freely and swiftly from his chest, like a river that had just been released from a dam._

_I stopped. I was completely soaked in it, from my hands to my shirt and jeans. Blood that had been splattered all over dripped from my face._

_Suddenly as I felt a regain of sanity again, I released the knife and jumped from my father's body in horror in disgust._

_For minutes all I could do was stare at the first man I had ever killed. Then I jumped up and ran to the living room._

_I first went to Leon. I gathered the still whole parts of his body and cradled them closely, screaming his name over and over, while tears uncontrollably burst from my eyes._

_"LEON! Can you hear me? LEON!" I cried between hysterical sobs._

_Refusing to accept what was right in front of me, I desperately blew air into his bloody lips and ended up chocking on the blood from his mouth._

_I let out a final sob and hugged his body to my own as hard as I could, then moved onto Ralph._

_I placed my hands on his cut, blocking what little blood that was left from coming out, and tried to snap his neck back into place, as if that would somehow fix everything. However my hands were shaking too badly to do so. Instead I drew his body to closer to me and dugs my face into his shoulder, chocking out his name from my now raw lungs._

_My body couldn't seem to keep up with my grief, and before I knew it I was in a deep coughing act from screaming and crying too hard. Still I held Ralph as close to me as I could._

_"Daniel," a voice whimpered from behind me._

_At first I thought I imagined it but then it came again, "Daniel."_

_I was by Michael's side in an instant, carefully hugging his body next to my chest and trying to stop the blood flow, "Michael, Michael, hold on I'm going to get help." I said desperately._

_His face was turning blue and I could tell he was slowly suffocating from his own blood._

_The fear in his eyes was something I could never understand, but never forget as well._

_"Hold on." I repeated again, and kissed him on the forehead._

_I then sprinted to the phone on the other side of the room, tripping over my stunned legs several times before I made it. With shaking hands I grabbed the phone and had to try real hard to relax my hands long enough to dial the emergency number._

_Tears clotted my vision, and my throat was so dry I couldn't take a full breath._

_It took ages, but as soon as a voice came from the other line, I blurted out everything that happened, "Hello, hello! Please I need help my brother is hurt and..." Suddenly I was crying too hard to say anything._

_I pulled back from the receiver and heaved deeply a few times, I had to calm down._

_Between sobs I continued, "I came home and my brothers were dead," I paused to regain control of myself again, "I need help please..."_

_I couldn't go on._

_The woman on the other hand demanded for my name and address but at the moment I couldn't remember._

_Instead I left the phone hanging and slowly went back to the living room. I stopped and stiffened as soon as I saw Michael was no longer breathing._

_"No..." I whispered._

_I raced to his side and pulled his body onto my lap and cried, "No! NO! Michael!"_

_When I didn't get an answer I tried again to breathe life back into his lungs. But just like before, was blocked by the sea of blood that drowned them._

_"MICHAEL!" I screamed, as if I could yell loud enough to wake him from the dead, "MICHEAL! PLEASE!"_

_I gripped his shoulder as hard as I could with one hand and sobbed in the other. I had left him. I left him to die alone._

_I buried my face in his shirt as much as I could and continued to weep as hard as physically possible, only thinking one thing._

_This had to be a nightmare._


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHOR'S NOTE- **Well its about time! lol I know and I'm sorry for the break in uploads I had school and well yeah, thats pretty much a vaccum for all my free time. Luckily I have some vactaion left so I'm gonna pump out as much as I can for you wonderful people without having to degrade in quality! Any ways thanks for staying with it this long and I can finally say we're past the half way point!

* * *

I did not remember the trip back to the mental hospital.

Nor did I remember being forced to shower, eat and then locked up in a small room.

All I remembered was screaming and crying until my throat gave out, and fighting the guards until they gave me several tranquilizers. I also remembered the terrible, awful details of my past, and how utterly alone I felt.

I hugged my knees to my chest as hard as I could, as the relentless stream of tears still fell from my eyes, which were now stinging from the constant stress.

I was shaking and my head pounded. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself, but every time I did I only ended up sobbing once again.

The magnitude of my grief had always terrified me, probably one of the reasons I had denied the past had happened in the first place. Now that I finally had to confront it, it had managed consumed what was left of me, leaving behind the persisting question, why?

Why was I the one who lived? What did I do to deserve life instead of my brothers? Why was I so special?

I reasoned that it was nothing. It was a mistake that I had lived while they died. All of my brothers could have made something of their lives instead of rotting away in a mental hospital. They all had so much more to offer than I ever did.

So why did they die?

If there was a God then it was because he had a plan, because things were somehow supposed to end up better than this. But even if my brothers' deaths lead to some ultimate good, I'd replace it instantly. I would much rather live a miserable life with them, than a wonderful one alone.

If there was no God then they died for nothing, just victims of an unlucky break and a maniac with a knife. What's more it wouldn't have mattered. The Universe didn't care about three teenagers who died too soon and neither did society. Maybe our story made the news. Maybe we even earned a few 'ahhs' and 'that's too bad' from the audience watching, but that was it. They tuned off their TVs and returned to their lives, forgetting us.

Everyone is eventually forgotten.

I buried my face deeper into my sweaty skin and I realized all the memories I was now the sole keeper of.

Like how Michael would always lick the biggest slices of pizza to claim dibs on them, or how Ralph would steal fresh lettuce from the neighbor's garden to feed his pet turtle, or how Leon would always stay up late watching Space Heroes.

How was I supposed to live on without them? They weren't just family members, they were my best friends. My only friends. Without them I had no body to love, laugh with, or even trust.

I had come to hate the phrase 'rest in peace'. When I last saw my brothers they didn't look peaceful, they looked dead. I also hated anyone who tried to make light of this, like those who said appreciate the time you had with them not the time you didn't.

No. If I ever had any appreciation for them then I would never let this go. If they had given me any happiness then I owed it to them to mourn them for the rest of my life.

How could I possibly have a happy life when they were dead? And what would the point even be? The universe, society or God, didn't care that my brothers died, why should I care about them in return? Why should I be part of a world my brothers were robbed from?

I hated the idea of getting over it. I hated anyone who wanted me to feel better. I hated everyone else. I hated myself. I hated because it was so much easier than anything else.

The door opened and I barely reacted. When I heard footsteps come closer I pulled myself into a tighter ball. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to acknowledge that anyone else even existed. I didn't...

Dr. Jones interrupted my train of thought when wrapped his arms around me. I untangled myself from my curled up ball and tried prying myself free from his embrace. I didn't want comfort, I wasn't ready to feel better.

Dr. Jones's embrace stayed firm. In frustration I started hitting and screaming at him to let go, but instead he held me tighter.

Finally, I gave in and broke down in his embrace, burying my face in neck and squeezing his chest for support. I cried, more deeply this time, and as Dr. Jones gently stroked my back, it slowly started to feel good to have someone listen.

* * *

After what felt like hours I finally pulled away from his embrace and wiped the tears from my cheeks. By that time my eyes were so swollen it was hard to out of them.

"Daniel," Dr. Jones started breaking what seemed like ages of silence.

"Do you do this for all your patients?" I whispered.

Dr. Jones smiled, "None actually, but you're more than a patient Daniel, you're my friend."

I was too embarrassed to tell him that that would make him my first so instead I nodded and stared shyly down at the floor.

"So would it be too much for me to ask you to come have dinner?" he said.

I wanted to refuse, but something told me he wouldn't be taking no for an answer. Besides, at that point the only thing that hurt worse than my head was my stomach. I hadn't had a decent meal in quite a while.

"I want the good stuff." I declared, "Not whatever it is they serve the patients."

"I'll see what I can do," Dr. Jones said with a smile.

* * *

Dr. Jones must have had a greater influence in this place than I gave him credit for. Not only did he manage to get me a seat with the staff members but I was also allowed to walk around without handcuffs. Maybe they figured that I didn't have a reason to fight them anymore.

Initially I had stacked my plate with every piece of food I saw on that buffet table, but as soon as I sat down my ravenous appetite died down and I felt sick. All I could imagine was the uncut steak on my plate and my father's icy glare upon me.

I noticed Dr. Jones physically frown when I pushed the food aside and placed my head on my folded arms. I knew he wanted to say something but was probably intimidated from the those at the table.

However, except for Dr. O'Neil and Dr. Goldstein I didn't know any of them.

Dr. O'Neil was sitting right across from me and hadn't taken her eyes off of me since I sat down. My very appearance seemed to drive her to the verge of tears.

Not that I really cared though...or did I? Ever since I found out she wasn't completely lying to me about my past, I didn't know how to feel about her.

On one hand she kept me in a cell and drugged my food without permission, and on the other...well I didn't really have a choice.

After all everyone I had previously cared about were dead so...

I felt tears start to run down my cheeks again and took a deep breath to keep myself from losing it.

What was I going to do? I was completely alone and lost. Even if I did ever get out of here, where would I go? What would I do? And worse, what if I didn't?

Dr. O'Neil stretched her hand out to take mine. I wanted to pull back as a reflex but didn't.

"Daniel," she said quietly, "I am so sorry."

I studied her eyes. They looked sincere. Heck they even looked empathic, like she understood a fraction of the pain that I was going through.

"I-I don't know what...what I'm going to do." I whimpered.

"I'm going to help you get through this Daniel," she said, "Now that you have accepted your past I will do everything I can to help you get through it. I promise I will not quit on you until you're better."

And for the first time, I believed her.


	12. Chapter 12

**AUTHOR'S NOTE- **Longest chapter so far, but packed full of info! I hope you guys like a trip down Daniel's past and a surprise twist at the end!

* * *

In the following weeks the room which I would have normally declared an upgraded prison cell became my sanctuary. It was a lot bigger than the cell, but still was surrounded by plain white walls and floors. However this room at least had a closest, desk, and small bathroom that even had a shower. There as also a small window to the side overlooking the mountainside.

No body bothered me there and was really the only place where I could truly feel any kind of peace.

It was also a place of complete privacy which made me feel safe and uneasy at the same time.

The best thing was that I could come and go as I wanted. Nobody came in and forced me out but at the same time I could always call for an escort and take a walk around the grounds if I wanted. Also Dr. Jones let me sit out the therapy sessions if I didn't feel like going, which most of the time I didn't, in favor of having a private meal together. This way he told me, he could finally treat me more as a friend than a patient. I didn't know if this was going against the rules or not but I didn't care.

This world was a circus to me and somehow that made me feel exempt from any of its rules. And maybe they were just too insane to follow.

In any case I had a lot of alone time. Something I realize is a pretty bad thing when you're going through grief, but helped me just the same.

Mostly it gave me time to remember my real past.

* * *

The first thing that came back to me was my mother.

I remembered how she loved too laugh and smelled like lavenders. She wasn't beautiful, but somewhat pretty, if that makes any sense. Someone that didn't really catch the eye, but had an appearance that you grew to love.

She had silky dark hair and a long narrow face with soft blue eyes embedded within it. Her father, my grandfather, was Chinese and her mother was English.

She was given the name Tang Shen by her father which meant strong spirit. Although when she had her own children she wished to honor her mother and gave all of us English names.

I also remember how she had numerous interests and hobbies and pursued a new one almost every week. For example, the first week of the month she would be really interested in interpretive dance, but a few weeks later she would suddenly direct all of her attention to silent films.

Really the only thing all of her interests and hobbies had in common was that they were in some way or another related to art. I later learned that was because she was a medieval art history major in college and had the personality as similar to the college hippie as you could imagine. This made it all the more difficult to understand how she ended up with my father, a no nonsense Japanese man completely dedicated to tradition and rules.

However, as unlikely a couple as they seemed, she was the joy of my father's life. He would listen to her go on for hours about whatever artist or performer she was obsessed with that week while she would work tirelessly every day to make him smile.

Looking back, they probably fell for each other since she needed somebody to take her seriously and he needed someone to make him smile.

Every thing went downhill when my mother was killed.

Again, I was only five years old so I don't remember all of that night, but some moments are engraved into my memory like it happened yesterday.

It was the opening night of a Renaissance exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. My father was working late, but mom couldn't wait to show us. Renaissance art was the only thing she had a lasting interest in.

All I remember about that museum visit was that we spent a really long time there. Heck we probably never would have left if the night guard hadn't kicked us out. On the way home we were about five blocks from our apartment when a man who walked funny and smelled terrible approached us from the ally. His voice was gruff and slurred as he tried talking to my mom while caressing her awkwardly all over her body. She tried pushing him away but he was stronger than her and persistent. Soon she was mouthing to us to go get help but we were too scared to move.

Finally he tried grabbing her chest and she slapped him. Furious he pushed her to the ground and pulled out a gun.

Never having seen a gun before, me and my brothers screamed which must have shocked him into pulling the trigger. I remember for the next five seconds not staring at the blood oozing from her head but the lifelessness in her eyes. It wasn't until Leon grabbed my arm and yanked me away that I joined my brothers in a frantic run back home.

* * *

After my mother was killed my dad went into a depression. Initially he went to the therapists, but there was really nothing they could do for him. The pills they prescribed to him did little to nothing and eventually he couldn't afford them anymore.

Then he turned to a cheaper form of therapy, and dedicated himself to getting drunk every time he missed her, which was all the time.

My brothers and I were in grief as well, but somehow we worked as our own sources of comfort. We were each born within a year of each other, which made Michael barely four when it happened, so he showed the most initial grief. He would cry every night wanting mommy since he didn't quite understand the concept that mommy wasn't coming back.

However when one of us saw our brother under the covers sobbing we would usually take it upon ourselves to spend the night in bed with him. We comforted him by either making him laugh, distracting him or just listening to him. And in that way somehow comforting somebody else helped us all feel better.

Seven years old and with a lasting memory, Leon's grief was the most persistent. Even though we all dd every thing we could to help him, he never really moved on like the rest of us did.

Since we were so focused on helping each other feel better, we sort of let our father slip through the cracks. Once in a while Leon might have tried to talk about it with him, but he would always be harshly turned away. Nevertheless there was a lasting guilt my brothers and I felt for ignoring him when he needed us most.

As a result in the passing years as the four of us slowly got better, he got worse. In a matter of months he was a complete alcoholic, a habit that consumed his job, our apartment, and pretty much any genuine love he had for us.

He even started to blame us for mom's death, claiming that we should have been able to protect her. Michael, Ralph and I never really feel for this, all we could distinctly remember of that night were the feelings of fear and grief. Leon on the other hand feel for it more easily, and slowly started to become as serious as father.

Although instead of letting feelings of guilt and grief consume him like father, he redirected them into helping and protecting us. He dedicated his life to becoming the perfect son in father's eyes, that way when one of us got in trouble he could vouch for us. Ralph never really understood this and would often end up getting into fights with Leon out of jealously. However this never really did any lasting damage and by the end of the day they were just about as close as Michael and I were.

When father lost his job he also left whatever shred of sanity was keeping him together. I was eight years old.

When he came home that night he was drunker than usual. Leon immediately picked up on this and shuffled us all into a bedroom closet while he hid under the bed as father viciously searched the house for us. When he finally came to search the bedroom, Michael sneezed and he shot right to the closest where we were hiding. Before he could open it however, Leon came out and lied to him that we were at a friend's house.

Then there was screaming, father even started cursing at Leon, telling him what dishonor all of us brought to the family. And then he hit him.

It wasn't very hard or anything, from what I could see through the closet doors, but both of them seemed to stand there in shock. Then my father shook his head, almost as to rid his feelings of guilt and regret, and started to beat Leon.

Ralph practically had to shove his fists in me and Michael's mouths to keep us from crying, knowing that if we even made a peep Leon would only get hit harder. It only lasted about five minutes, but felt like hours for all of us. Finally father left Leon crying on the floor to go drink more alcohol.

Leon's teacher, Mr. Murakami, noticed his new bruises immediately the next day at school and persistently pestered him until Leon revealed how he got them. Within a week a strange man with a dark suit and greasy slicked back dark hair visited our house and started questioning father. He then took us aside and started asking us all sorts of questions as well. 'what does your father do all day?" "Does he ever hit you?"

I remember that Ralph, Michael and I were all too afraid to answer is questions, but Leon stepped up immediately and lied to him that everything was fine. Leon later explained that he heard that the man had come to take us away and separate us. And despite everything going wrong at home, we would have much rather faced our problems together than apart. I can't remember his true name but Michael called him Mr. Kraang (mostly because he couldn't pronounce the real one) and it stuck.

* * *

Dr. O'Neil adamantly wrote down the details of my past as I told them to her. They weren't always in order, but she noted pretty much anything I gave her.

"Why turtles?" she finally asked one day.

"Huh?"

"Why did you imagine as you and your brothers as turtles? Was there any connection in your past?"

I paused and thought about this for a moment, "Honestly," I said after a while, "I can't really think of any."

I sighed, "I guess that part is just because I'm crazy."

I half heartily meant this to be a joke, but a significant part of myself believed it. I still remember my other 'past' as a turtle as clearly as I did the human one. And even though I knew the notion of being a giant alien fighting ninja turtle humanoid was a ridiculous one, I still couldn't convince myself that it never really happened. It was like I was now made up of two people...beings, the miserable outcast Daniel, and the heroic tech dork Donatello. The worst part was that I couldn't really _feel_ like other one, rather I was made of the scraped bits from both.

Dr. O'Neil was stared at me in a glare that was a mix of anger, disappointment, and disbelief.

"Daniel," she said finally, "You are _not_ crazy."

I scoffed, that was the only thing I was sure of. I mean what normal person thinks they used to be a 6 ft ninja turtle?

"If I'm not crazy than why did I create an alter ego for myself and all my brothers and actually believe in them?"

"Daniel," she said leaning towards me and gripping my shoulders tightly, "Everyday I work with lunatics and nutcases who kill and steal without reason. You are _not_ one of them. You...you are just a kid, someone who caught a really unlucky break and wasn't given the chance to deal with it properly."

She forced me to look at her directly in the eyes as she told this to me.

I didn't know what to think, or whether or not to believe her.

After a long silence she sighed and finally spoke again, "Look Daniel..."

"I can't forget them." I interrupted.

"Who?" she asked.

"My brothers, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael...my whole other life basically. Every night I dream about my real past or my turtle one. Sometimes I still confuse which one is real or not. And that par of me that is still convinced this is all a lie is...is still there." I confessed.

I couldn't believe I did that.

Great job genius, if she didn't think you were crazy before now she is certainly convinced.

She signed deeply and took my hands, "Daniel," she said softly, "There's this new...procedure, and I-I think it might help you."

I pulled back a little confused, she was looking down at the ground and sounded unsure of herself, which definitely meant there was something wrong.

"What kind of procedure?"

"Have you ever heard of lobotomy?"

I nearly jumped up, "Yes I have! And I don't want to be a vegetable!" I cried.

"You don't understand, this procedure is like a lobotomy, but instead of disconnecting the prefrontal cortex of the brain it disconnects certain parts of the hippocampus, or the part of the brain where memories are stored."

"I knew that," I snapped, "And how would that help me? The memories I want to get rid of didn't even happen anyway."

"There are several studies that suggested hallucinated memories are stored similarly to real ones. Even though they didn't actually happen, the feelings and reactions that you had from them did. That's why some people can so vividly remember their dreams."

"H-has it been successful before?" I asked nervously.

"Well, its relatively new, but the success rate is quite promising. But to be honest you would have to volunteer for this procedure as a test subject."

I swallowed really hard. As a scientist I knew that the test subject never had any insurance of safety. Heck when I made Mikey test out the turtle...

I took a deep breath, maybe I didn't really have a choice. But then again even if these memories were driving me insane, did I really want to forget them? Leo, Raph and Mikey now only existed in my memories, wasn't letting them go like the ultimate betrayal?

"I-I don't know if I want to forget." I admitted softly.

"Daniel," she said voice soft again, "Normally I would encourage you to confront your past not forget it, but in your case...I-I just don't want you to relapse." she said, and suddenly the thought spread fear through me as well.

"Can-can I get the night to think about it?" I asked after yet another long silence.

"Of course," she smiled, "You can have all the time you need."

* * *

Dr. O'Neil left a little while after that and I climbed into bed to think.

On one hand those memories I had as a turtle were the happiest of my life. It was a time where I could be a hero and was surrounded by people who liked and cared about me, namely father. On the other hand, if I got rid of them, maybe I could finally become Daniel again and try to pursue real happy memories.

My throat suddenly felt dry and I wanted to cry. Daniel didn't have any brothers, and Daniel was all alone. How could he possibly be happy? All Daniel had was his family and now that it was gone...

I finally realized how important it was that I became Donatello so I could save Daniel. But if Daniel couldn't survive his grief then, how could he do it now?

I rolled over, it was too much to think about and I was too tired. I closed my eyes and within minutes was fast asleep.

* * *

I woke up to a scraping sound on the floor. My eyes flew open and jumped into a sitting position and looked around the room. With the moonlight from the window being my sole light source I could barely make out the furniture in my room.

Suddenly a slick cold hand slapped across my mouth as a voice whispered, "shh," to me.

I tried to scream but my voice was muffled. Before I knew it the hand turned into a set of incredibly strong arms and heaved me out of bed and through the now broken window.

I tried kicking and squirming my way out of its grasp, but their grip was unbreakable.

Soon I was hoisted up the building and thrown over the edge of the roof. When I finally managed to get to my feet I screamed, "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"Yo Donnie, relax," came a voice all too familiar to me, "It's us, we're here to rescue you."

And from the shadows, Raph, Leo and Mikey all revealed themselves, each of them smiling and relived.

My heart stopped and my jaw dropped. And before I knew it, I felt myself falling to the ground, the world consumed by darkness.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE-** Confused? Great! Everything's going according to plan!


	13. Chapter 13

**AUTHOR'S NOTE- **Well it may be shorter in quantity, but hopefully great enough in quality.

* * *

I groaned when an all too familiar sensation of throbbing in my head brought me back to consciousness.

_This is happening far too often,_ I thought to myself rubbing my head for some sort of comfort.

However, instead of the usual blank walls or cell bars staring at me when I normally woke up, it was a green turtle sleeping soundly on the edge of my bed.

I gasped and screamed, why oh why could it not _once_ just be a nightmare!?

The turtle jumped up and gave me a huge grin.

"Donnie you're awake bro!" he cried happily and before I knew it, had his arms wrapped around me in a tight hug.

I felt my body start to shake and suddenly I was panting.

This wasn't happening, this _couldn't_ be happening.

"G-get away from me!" I cried, as soon as I could find my voice, and pushed him off.

Mikey gave me a confused and somewhat hurt look, "Donnie whats wrong?" he asked, trying to take my hands once again.

"No-no stop calling me that, I know whats going on! You're not real and I'm dreaming again!" I cried back at him and scooted to the edge of the bed, putting as much distant between us as possible.

Mikey, now really confused, was about to ask another question when Raph and Leo burst through the door. I screamed in shock before I could stop myself.

"Donnie! Whats wrong bro?" Raph asked.

"Are you okay?" Leo added, his voice concerned, as they both approached my bed.

"Stay back!" I screamed, using the first thing at my disposal, a pillow, as a defense, "I know you're not real!"

Leo and Raph exchanged looks of confusion and Mikey shot me a look of fear.

My panting only got faster and I felt like I was going to pass out again. Finally I ripped my eyes away from them to curl up in a tight ball and hugged the pillow to my chest.

"They're not real. They're not real." I chanted to myself, slowly rocking myself back and forth, "This all a dream, you have to wake up, you have to wake up."

I pressed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. I opened again, and much to my disappointment, they were still there.

"Donnie what are you talking about?" Leo asked, his voice _really_ concerned now.

"Stop calling me that!" I shrieked.

"But...but that's your name." Mikey said.

"No its not!" I screamed, "My name is Daniel and none of you exist! I just made you up because I'm losing my mind!"

My body was now shaking so hard my teeth were clattering. The now awkward silence in the room was deafening.

Mikey, Raph and Leo gave me looks ranging from confusion to deep concern.

Finally Leo stepped up and slowly joined me on the bed. I inched as far away from him as I could, but he still gently took my hand and looked me right in the eye, "Donatello, six months ago you were captured by a bunch of guys we didn't know. We didn't know why they took you, but we finally managed to track them down to this prison in North Hampton and last night we broke you out. Do you remember any of this?"

How could I respond? Yes I remembered it, I remembered everything about my life as a turtle, but that still didn't make it real. Suddenly Dr. O'Neil's lecture about how fake memories can feel like real ones came back to me.

"Th-that never happened." I finally said, "I just made it all up so I didn't have to face my past..."

"What in the shell..." Raph started.

"Donnie why would you think that?" Leo interrupted.

"Because its true!" I said, now on the verge of tears, "Because giant humanoid ninja turtles don't exist and I didn't want to face reality. I couldn't face reality so I made it up. They told me that's why I did it at the mental hospital."

Leo's face fell back into one of confusion, "Donnie, what ever they told you there, it was a lie..."

"I told you to stop calling me that!" I snapped, "And are you telling me I'm supposed to believe the giant talking turtle on my bed instead of the professionals?"

"Whats all this hate on mutant turtles bro? I mean, its like you're acting like you're _not_ one." Raph said.

"What are you talking about? Of course I'm not a..." I suddenly noticed my hand had turned back to green, and now had three fingers on it.

I leaped off the bed, pushed them out of the way and ran to the first mirror I saw. Sure enough a giant turtle with a panicked look in his eye was staring right back at me.

I screamed, again, and would have fallen to the floor if Mikey hadn't caught me.

As soon as I regained control of my body I whipped out of Mikey's hold, snatching his nunchukas in the process. Within the next few seconds I locked him i a restraint hold.

"DON'T MOVE! DON'T MOVE!" I bellowed, activating Mikey's blade and directing it towards his neck. Mikey froze, looking at me shocked and hurt and the same time.

"Donnie!" Leo and Raph cried surprised.

"My _name_ is Daniel Hamato!" I hissed, "And I don't know how or why you mutated me but..."

"What are you talking about? We didn't do this to you!" Raph cried.

"STOP LYING TO ME!" I screeched, touching the blade to on Mikey's skin, "I'll slit his throat! _I swear_!"

Leo and Raph paled, I had never seen them so scared. Then a whimper came from my hostage and I glanced down to see tears trickling down his face.

"Donnie, why are you doing this?" he chocked.

I froze. _What was I doing? _I dropped the weapon and released him so he could quickly run back to Leo and Raph.

Together they stared at me. I was now some sort of stranger, a new being inhabiting their brothers body. I shook my head, no, they weren't real. So their feelings weren't real, I shouldn't, couldn't, care about what they thought of me.

"What the shell did they do to you?" Leo finally asked, in a long drawn out breath.

I didn't know whether or not he expected an answer from me, but I stayed silent, still holding the kusarigama defensively by my side.

I suddenly started to feel light headed, and my body failing slowly beneath me. I didn't know if it was from shock or fear, but the intense pounding of my heart combined with the unused adrenaline was sucking all the energy out of me.

Finally when a dark robed figure, appropriately shaped as a rat, quietly entered the other side of the room, I gave into my fatigue and passed out again.


	14. Chapter 14

**AUTHOR'S NOTE-** Well guys I'm back. But I don't know for how long. Be on the look out for updates for the net few days since they will be plentiful (hopefully). And to all the readers who have been here since the beginning, my sincere thanks to the continued support! I hope this and the next few chapters will be worth the wait! And to new readers, hope you enjoy!

* * *

I awoke to a bead of cold water droplets gently splashing onto my face.

I was too tired, and in too much pain, to wake up and investigate, so I simply squinted my eyes open slightly to see a cracked ceiling directly above me. A little below it was a rusted pipe from where the water droplets originated.

Sensations of cold and nausea overcame me all at once and suddenly I wanted to vomit. The floor beneath my was damp, hard and freezing. Also the place smelled.

I closed my eyes and wished it all away.

* * *

When I awoke once again my arms were restrained behind my back and my hands were chained together.

All things considering, I shouldn't have been too shocked to find myself bounded, but I was.

I struggled in vain for a few moments to loosen the chains off, and then simply resorted to screaming.

"Get these this off of me!" I cried "Let me go!"

"Calm yourself, Donatello." A voice I dreaded came from the shadows.

Before I knew it a giant rat approached the bed I was chained to and looked down upon me.

For a moment I was at a loss for words. Then an anger of an unprecedented intensity overcame me.

"You!" I growled, "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

The rat stopped and stared at me in shock, then gently said, "Please my son..."

"Don't call me that! You're dead to me." I hissed.

Splinter stared at me as though I had just shot him. I had no idea if the anger on my face matched the intensity of which I felt it, bu it must have come close. I had never seen him look so hurt.

"Sensei," Leo said coming in, and then turned to look at me, "Donnie, he...he's not himself."

My body shuddered as I saw Leo come within a few feet of him.

"Get me out of these!" I cried, "You can't lock me up like this!"

Splinter gave him a questioning look of concern.

"We had no choice Master, Donnie, he...threatened Mikey." Leo stuttered, looking considerably regretful.

I refused to meet his glance, deep down I knew he was acting rationally, but I was tired of being everyone's prisoner. Instead I turned my back to them.

"I'm sorry," Leo said softly, "I didn't know what else to do."

Splinter was quiet for a few moments, then finally replied slowly, "You acted as you had to my son."

His voice sent pulses of hatred through my whole being. Every word derived from fake affection and manipulative compassion. I couldn't stop myself fom turning back to see Splinter laying a hand on Leo's shoulder.

"We will help your brother in any way we can." he said.

At that point impulse over took me and I lunged at him with such fury I nearly dislocated my arms.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM!" I yelled.

"Donnie!" Leo cried, but I didn't hear him in my rage.

"Step away from him! Don't even look at him!" I fumed as I continued to struggle against my chains, which were now digging into my skin.

"My son please." Splinter started.

"Donnie this is Master Splinter! Don't you remember?" Leo said.

"I remember him murdering my entire family! Run Leo while you still have a chance! GO!"

Leo looked at me like I was crazy. And why wouldn't he? As far as he knew Splinter was his gentle, loving father.

Raph and Mikey ran into the room, probably drawn in by my screaming, and gave questioning looks to the now frozen Leo.

"What the heck is going on here?" Raph asked.

"Donnie are you okay bro?" Mikey continued.

"Get out of here! All of you! Get away from him while you still have a chance!" I cried, while I restarted my fight with the chains.

Raph was about to ask more, when Splinter stepped forward, "My son, what family are you taking about? All your brothers are right here."

I froze as tears threatened to pour from my eyes. They weren't here, none of them were here.

"No." I whispered, so softly they had to strain to hear me, "They are not here." I choked, "They're gone, and none of you exist."

Splinter pulled back at this and my brother exchanged looks of confusion. None of them knew what to say until Mikey finally spoke up, "Hey bros why don't we give Don some alone time. He's had a long day and could probably use some more rest."

"Are you kidding?" Raph asked, "We need to get to the bottom of this, Donnie..."

"No" Splinter interrupted, "Your brother is right. We will have time to sort things out later, but for now he must calm his spirit."

My heart cringed as he rested his hands on Leo's and Raph's shoulders to lead them out. Real or not I had this overwhelming desire to protect them.

"We will talk in the morning my son." he said as they departed.

Mikey lingered for a bit and gave me a small smile, "I'm here if you need anything bro. Just give me a holler."

He motioned a soft wave then followed my brothers.

* * *

Incredibly I had managed to doze off again. I felt like I had been asleep for months, but I was still exhausted. Even more amazing was that I had a white, peaceful dream instead of the nightmares that usually invested my slumber. I was only awakened by a soft knocking on the door.

"Donnie?" Mikey said softly, "I brought you some dinner, its pizza with broccoli, your favorite."

He gently pushed the door open and carried in a plate with a generous slice of pizza.

I sat up slowly as Mikey came to untie my hands.

"Aren't you afraid I'll attack again?" I snapped.

"Naw, Leo had us raid your room while you were passed out. No sharp objects within 100ft of you." he said.

As he finished freeing my hands he saw the nasty scratches I got from tugging on the chains and frowned.

"Donnie, I...we...are really sorry for chaining you up. We just didn't know what else to do."

"So I heard." I said softly, rubbing my wrists "Its okay, I don't blame you. I'm sorry I put a knife to your throat."

Mikey laughed, "Aww don't stress it D, someone threatens my life every other day, its no big deal."

_Yeah criminals_, I thought to myself, but didn't say anything. Not only were they were treating me as an unstable maniac, but I was acting like one.

"So you want some food?" he asked after a long pause, and handed my the pizza.

I glanced at it and shook my head, "I really shouldn't consume things handed to me by my hallucinations."

Mikey's face fell, obviously not the answer he wanted. Then he perked up and smiled, "Well dude you know this imaginary pizza has some imaginary hot cheese, and an imaginary creamy sauce. Look"

He picked up the slice and pretended to take a bite, "Even pretending to eat the imaginary pizza is delicious!"

I couldn't help but crack a smile as he licked his lips and rubbed his belly, "Mmmm I am a much better pretend chef than I am in real life!"

"Okay, okay I get it. Maybe a little later?" I said with a small smile.

Mikey shrugged and put down the slice, "Well I guess if that's the best I'm gonna get then I'll take it."

He came over, climbed onto the bed and sat next to me. I reluctantly slid over.

"I really missed you D" he said softly after a few silent moments, "I mean Raph and Leo missed you too but…" he sighed, "But for a while I, I thought I lost my best friend."

He slowly lifted his head up to look me in the eyes. For a moment I thought I saw tears in his eyes. I turned my head.

I knew what he wanted me to say. He wanted me to say 'Oh I missed you too Mikey,' or "Oh Mikey it's so good to be home again.' That was, after all, what the old Donatello would have said without even thinking.

But I wasn't the old Donatello, and I couldn't stand to lie to him. Things were different, I was different, he didn't deserve to be lead to believe otherwise.

"You did lose him." I said slowly and softly, and I knew the second I said it that I brought a world of hurt upon Mikey, "Things are different now Mike, I know the truth."

Mikey stared at me confused and almost angry, "What do you mean I lost him? You're right here! We brought you back, we saved you! Everything should be going back to the way it was!"

"Mikey I can't keep living like this! At some point we're going to have to face the truth and accept it!" I cried, "Look I don't like it either, hell I hate it more than anything, but…there's nothing I can do to change it…I'm…sorry."

Mikey balled his hands into fists, a few tears were already falling down his cheeks despite his best efforts, "Then why?" he said, in between clenched teeth, "Why are we still talking? Why am I here if you're just imaging me? Can't you make things like that go away?!"

"I…" I paused, he asked the question I had been asking myself for hours now, "I don't know why Mikey."

He sniffed, and for a moment I thought he would storm out the door. That would be the reasonable thing to do. All he was trying to do was help me and I just kept making him feel worse and worse.

But he didn't.

Instead he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. He nuzzled his beak into my shoulder and I could feel hot tears dampening my skin.

"Maybe things won't be the same." He said in a chocked voice, "But I'm still not going to give up on you. I know my best friend is in there somewhere and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get him back."

At that point I wanted nothing more than to forget everything that happened over the last six months and hug him back. I longed to rock him gently and tell him over and over again that everything was okay.

But I couldn't. It wasn't just about him being real or not. If I accepted Mikey, then I would be denying that Michael ever lived. I would forget him again or dispel is existence, and I could no longer do that. I owed him that much.

I pulled Mikey off me and stared at his now red eyes. I couldn't speak for the life of me, but my face told all.

He finally climbed off the bed and headed towards the door.

"I'll-I'll be back…to check up on you." He sniffed, and then left me with my own miseries.

* * *

**A/N-** Since Donnie does not have a cannon favorite pizza topping I gave him mine!


	15. Chapter 15

I spent the night dozing, pacing, and lying in bed, contemplating.

I had been locked in my room, which was really no surprise. I supposed I couldn't be free even in my own delusions. I had even picked at Mikey's pizza for a bit before deciding I wasn't hungry, which was something I really didn't understand since I hadn't eaten in days.

As promised, I heard Mikey outside the door as soon as my digital clock turned 6. I couldn't help but smile, Mikey usually slept through morning training, but this time he had forced himself up.

I heard him starting to unlock the door when someone else's footsteps came.

"Mikey what are you doing?" Leo's voice asked.

"Just bringing D his breakfast." Mikey answered slightly annoyed.

"We talked about this," Leo said sternly, and then softly "You can't come in here alone."

My curiosity got the better of me and I went to the door to listen.

"Leo you're acting as he's some kind of maniac."

Leo was quiet for a bit, and then said, "Donnie's not himself, we don't know what they did to him there, but we have to keep our guard on."

"Treating him like he's some kind of criminal isn't going to help him get better." Mikey hissed, "He's still our brother and he needs us."

"I know that!" Leo said, probably louder than he intended, "But I don't want his recovery to come at anyone's safety."

My stomach felt sick as I remembered putting the knife to Mikey's throat.

"Donnie would never hurt me Leo." Mikey said stubbornly, "What happened the other day was just a misunderstanding."

With that he continued to unlock the door as I leaped back onto my bed.

* * *

"Morning Donnie!" Mikey said joyfully as he walked into my room like nothing happened, "I brought you some of my famous triple decker..." he paused as he saw the uneaten pizza still at my desk.

I saw his face suddenly turn to deep concern and I quickly spoke up, "I haven't eaten in a while Mikey, maybe I should start off with something smaller."

Mikey put the new plate down next to the old one, "Well that's okay, I can make you some oatmeal or something. Anything you want!"

I smiled and was about to reply when Leo slowly came in the room, "Knock knock." he smiled softly as he inched into the room, "Can I come in?"

Mikey looked to me and I nodded.

"Mikey was telling me that you hurt your wrists yesterday," he said gesturing to my old first aid kit in his hands, "Do you mind?"

Since I was the "smart" one, my brothers had usually relied on me to take care of the injuries of the family, a job that put more pressure on me than they had probably realized. I had tried to teach them the basics, but only Raph really caught on, and even then he could only do bandaging really well. It made me wonder why he wasn't here.

Despite my doubts, I still let out my arm and let him softly look at it before reaching for the bandages.

I was about to tell him to get the ethanol when Mikey beat me to it.

"Dude wait! You have to clean it!"

"Uhh, oh right." Leo muttered and searched the first aid box.

It was only then when I noticed how distracted he seemed.

After a minute of searching Mikey finally groaned and pulled out the bottle hidden deep within the contents of the box.

"Its right here." he said irritated, then searched for a cloth to dab it in.

"Oh yeah...sorry." Leo said quietly.

Mikey ended up finishing the job, and to my surprise he did a pretty good job of it. He must have been paying more attention than I thought.

"Hey so Donnie, I picked out a bunch of movies we could binge on all day while you relax dude." Mikey smiled when he was finished.

"I wish you would start calling me Daniel." I said softly.

Mikey paused and frowned and Leo spoke up, "Mikey, I don't think it's a good idea to let Donnie out of his room today..."

Mikey's face fell to utter disgust, "What?" he asked angrily, "Why..."

"It's okay Mikey," I said quickly, "I'd rather stay in here anyway."

Mikey was about to protest when Leo put his hand on his shoulder, "Donnie will be okay Mikey, and we can see him after training,"

"Don't treat me like a child," Mikey said, and I jumped at the harshness in his voice, he turned to me and much softer he said, "Donnie are you sure?"

I cringed at the name, but stopped myself from correcting him, "Yeah Mike, go train."

He nodded slowly and left without even acknowledging Leo.

* * *

I sat quietly for the next three or so hours listening to the soft clanks and grunts of the guys outside.

My mind was spinning.

I knew eventually I would have to leave again, find a way to sneak out or something. April and Casey must have been worried sick about me.

But it was all so complicated.

Logically speaking I should have been able to walk right out of there. I mean hallucinations, no matter how realistic, can't really keep you locked up in a single room. However I yanked and pulled on that door for hours and it wouldn't budge. Even after I kept telling myself over and over that it couldn't possibly be locked I couldn't get out.

I also wasn't thinking very clearly at all. I knew that much.

It reminded me of a time in Daniel's...my life when I was a preteen. Ralph had managed to steal a couple of bottles of father's bourbon and convinced us all to try it. Being young and impressionable, and having an overwhelming curiosity for what father was so obsessed with, Michael and I devoured it.

This had led to some of the most painful and confusing hours in my young life.

The world around me began spinning, I lost the ability to think straight, and I was unable to process anything. It was like all of my surroundings had entered a whirlwind and I was caught spinning in the opposite direction.

It was like that now, but worse.

Whenever I tried to think of an escape plan, my mind would automatically flash back towards a memory from either Daniel or Donatello's past. And even then I couldn't finish the flash backs since they too were interrupted by noises and voice from outside.

I would stand up and do something, then forget it and lie right back down. I thought I ate the now stale pancakes Mikey had left me, but when I looked over at them again they were still there.

It was like my own personal hell. Both Donatello and Daniel strived to keep organized thoughts throughout their lives. It helped keep in check all the facts and knowledge I filled myself with. Focus was the key to anything.

But now it was as though I was focused on everything and nothing at all. I might as well have been a vegetable.

I finally decided to lie on my bed and count the cracks on the ceiling. I figured if I could give myself a simple task to focus on I could work my way up to the bigger ones.

I had just managed to count around 30 cracks when voices from outside derailed my train of thought once again.

I groaned but found myself getting up anyway and putting my ear against the door. Maybe just listening to a conversation would be a simple enough exercise to get my focus back.

"I'm gonna go fix Donnie his lunch." Mikey said.

"Mikey you've been cooking all of Don's meals for him; maybe one of us can do it this time." Leo said.

"I said I've got it covered Leo." Mikey said sternly.

I heard footsteps lead away from the hallway.

"Guess he's still mad at you, huh?" Raph asked.

I leaned in closer.

"Guess so." Leo sighed, "Not that I really blame him, it was my fault."

"For shell's sake Leo..." Raph started.

"No I never should have left him alone on that training run. It was my responsibility to get us all home safely" Leo said, guilt and regret lacing his voice heavily, "I failed."

"Would you stop it with the self-pity party?" Raph asked annoyed, "You made a mistake sure, but its not your fault Donnie got captured, and even if it was who cares? We've got Donnie back and we need to help him get better, and sitting complaining about the past isn't doing anything!"

"But what about Mikey, he can hardly stand to look at me."

"Mikey needs to grow up and get over it on his own Leo! And you need to stop obsessing over how everyone feels about you and be our leader already!" Raph yelled.

"Would you keep your voice down?! Donnie might hear you." Leo hissed.

I left the door at that point. Normally Donatello would have remained passive when it came to his brothers fighting, but did get involved if it go to intense. I, on the other hand, had no interest in it. They were hallucinations and I had my own problems to worry about.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note-** Hey guys. So I know this is all getting ridiculous but bare with me we're almost there! And hopefully the intensity of the upoming chapter will make up for the hitatis is updates. Otherwise enjoy!

* * *

I once again woke up to a steady stream of water droplets gently dropping onto my face.

Although this time I didn't open my eyes. Instead I weakly rolled over and tried to regain some sleep.

It was then I heard labored breathing and muffled sobs.

"I-I don't know what to do master," a chocked voice said quietly, "He won't eat, he's been asleep for days, if this continues he'll..."

"Hush my son, we can do no more for him now, we must be patient and let him heal on his own time."

"But Master we can't just sit here and watch him die!"

"We have done all we can, it is all up to Donatello now."

I didn't recognize which one of my brothers the voice belonged to. It was too chocked up and muffled. All I knew was that I couldn't stand to listen to it anymore, so instead I turned over once again and put all my efforts into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

_My head was burning and my throat was raw with pain._

_I was too sick to leave my bed for the day, and I wasn't happy about it. I never liked to miss school._

_However, after taking my temperature and finding it was well within fever range, Michael had insisted I took the day off. _

_I shuffled to find a more comfortable position only to welcome a more intense wave of pain. Discouraged I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut to try and wait out the pain._

_"Knock! Knock!" a voice came from the door._

_I jumped, I was supposed to be home alone._

_Michael came in carrying a tray with a bowl of steaming hot soup._

_"What are you doing here?" I said with a grainy voce, "you're supposed to be in school."_

_Michael gave me a guilty smile, "Yeah well Mr. Coe was giving a math test today and I didn't have a chance to study."_

_I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow._

_"And I might have been worried about leaving you here alone..." he confessed, realizing I didn't buy his story._

_I sighed, "I told you Michael I'll be fine. Go back to school; they might let you off the hook if you get there a little late."_

_He placed the tray on my lap and smiled sheepishly "Eh, I think it's a little late for that bro, school gets out in another hour."_

_I gasped and quickly checked the clock to see he was right, it was a lot later than I thought._

_"Yeah bro you kind of fell into a coma for a while there," Michael giggled, noticing my surprise._

_He then proceeded push the bowl of soup to me and hand me a spoon._

_"Urg gross." I complained as the smell immediately brought on a wave on nausea through me, "Get it away!"_

_Michael's smile fell, "Come on D, the only way you're gonna get better is if you eat a bit."_

_"Michael I swear if you make me eat that I'll puke." I said dramatically._

_"Oh come on, I'm not that bad a cook." Michael laughed._

_I knew he was right but it didn't stop me from being stubborn. I was a really awful patient. I would snap at anyone who tried to help me, be stubborn towards all means of getting better, and would complain tirelessly of all my aches and pains._

_Leon and Ralph were quite fed up with it and had therefore completely ignored me when I woke up that morning with a fever. Michael however, had patience that exceeded anyone I had ever known, and had endured all my insults, endless whining, and most of all reluctance to all forms of help._

_I lied down with a huff and turned my back to him, "Just leave me to die Michael" I whined._

_"Sorry bro" he said and pulled me to a sitting up position, "but I did not slave all those minutes in front of a hot microwave for you not to eat this soup."_

_I smiled despite myself, "You know that being this close to me could get you sick too."_

_"Yea, well then it will be your turn to pay nurse." he said, then scooped and spoonful of soup and shoved it into my mouth, "Now eat bro or I'll spoon-feed you chicken noodle soup till it leaks out your nose."_

_"Okay, okay," I laughed, and gently pushed his arm away, "but only because of your charming bedside manner."_

* * *

I woke up with a wet face and a stuffy nose.

I wiped my eyes aggressively and looked to my side to see a bowl of soup waiting on the table next to me.

My stomach groaned in pain. I didn't know if it was from sadness or hunger, but before I knew it the bowl was on my lap and I was wolfing down gulps of soup as if I had never tasted food before.

It was cold; Mikey had obviously left it out for me the night before. But I didn't care.

Each spoonful brought memories of Michael swarming back, and left over smell that still lingered throughout the room almost made me feel as though he was here. However, instead of making me cringe with pain, as things that reminded me of Michael normally did, it came as this and unexpected wonderful comfort.

Sure it made me miss him so much more, but in a good way. It helped me finally appreciate what a great life he had instead of remorsing over how short it was.

I hardly noticed Mikey enter and only looked when I heard him gasp profoundly.

"Dude," he breathed, mouth agape, "You're-you're eating!" he cried happily.

He then noticed the bowl in my hand, "Oh bro I made that for you last night," he came to take the soup from me, "Let me just heat..."

"No!" I cried, and covered the bowl, "I-I mean, that's okay Mikey, its fine this way. Great actually, could you make me some more?"

The question evaporated the look of concern on Mikey's instantly.

"Could I?" he cried happily, he turned to the kitchen "Bro I can make you a fresh pot! Give me ten minutes!"

With that he ran out of the room screaming, "Guys! Guys! Donnie's eating again!"

I had to stop myself to laugh a little, who knew a request for soup could make someone so happy?

In a matter of seconds Raph and Leo were toppling over one another to get to my room first, desperate to witness the miracle of me eating soup.

"Come on guys," I chuckled, "Don't hurt yourselves."

"Donnie," Leo sighed happily, "It's just...really good to see you awake again."

"Yeah and actually taking care of yourself," Raph added with a smile, "We thought we were gonna have to force feed ya."

"Were not!" Leo said quickly and lightly punched him on the arm, "But we were getting pretty worried. You've been asleep for two days."

I paused and looked at them, "Wow...really for that long?" I asked, and Raph and Leo nodded sadly. "Well I'm sorry to have worried you then."

"No, no, no, don't be!" Leo piped up.

"Yeah bro, if you need some rest to get back to normal, then sleep all ya want." Raph added.

An awkward silence filled the room as soon as he said the word 'normal'.

I looked down at my bowl, it was now empty. My stomach growled loudly.

"So Donnie..." Leo said slowly, after he had enough of the silence, "How are you feeling? Any more...like yourself?"

I could recognize the fear in his voice. It took a lot of courage for him to ask that, being that at least an illusion of normality seemed to be forming itself in the room. However I knew the question came from a place of hope as well, and a deep desire to put this whole deal behind us at last.

I didn't answer. The question was much more complicated than he realized.

Instead I mumbled, "I told you, my name's Danny."

Raph recoiled, and all the hope from Leo's eyes drained at once.

At that moment Mikey burst in the room with the biggest pot we owned filled to the brim with soup.

"Yo Donnie! I made you the best soup you'll ever eat son!" he cried, then noticed Leo's and Raph's solemn faces, "Uhh what's going on?" he asked as he proceeded to refill my bowl.

"He still wants to be called Danny." Raph muttered, and viciously kicked his foot out.

Mikey looked to me, then back to our brothers.

"Well...what's wrong with that?"

We all gave him looks of shock.

"Whats wrong with that?!" Raph repeated.

"Mikey, he won't even accept his own name!" Leo cried.

"Danny is my name!" I protested.

I hated feeling as though I wasn't in the room.

"Bros, he's eating, and sleeping! He's better now than he's been for days! And if calling him something else makes him comfortable than so be it. It doesn't change who he is or how we feel about him." Mikey said.

I shot him an extreme look of thanks. I never truly appreciated how mature he could be.

Leo and Raph both paused to look at each other than spoke up.

"Mikey we can't.." Leo started.

"We're not gonna let Donnie keep living this lie Mike!" Raph interjected angrily.

Leo rested his hand on Raph's shoulder, "What he means is that we can't keep letting Donnie believe he's someone he's not."

Mikey scowled at him and looked like he was about to say something but I beat him to it.

"Would you guys stop pretending that I'm not even here! I can hear everything you're saying!" I snapped.

Leo stared at me and said sternly, "We're not going to call you Danny because that is not your name."

"So it doesn't matter how Donnie feels so long as you get your way!" Mikey screamed, tears brimming his eyes, "Typical Leo!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Leo asked furiously turning to face him.

"Oh like you don't know! If you had just let Donnie stay home that night none of this would have happened!" Mikey screamed, crying fully now, "You knew he wasn't up for training but you still made him go! Just so you could get your way!"

"Mikey you know that's not true!" Leo yelled back, "If I had known what was going to happen..."

"You should have known!" Mikey screamed and banged his hand on the table next to me, "You're our leader Leo! That means you should have been able to guess that something awful was going to happen!"

"I..." Leo bit his lip and back up and immense feeling of guilt seemed to silence him.

Mikey was now crying harder than ever, fighting with us was never easy for him.

"And you should have been able to protect us...you should have been able to us all home." he chocked.

Mikey covered his face and sobbed into his hands. I tried to reach out to him, it killed me to see him so upset, but retracted the effort. Any effort I made to comfort him would have been insincere and dishonest.

"Mikey I'm sorry," Leo said, in a voice as chocked, if not more than Mikey's, "I just wanted him with us...I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I turned to him in shock. It was hard to see somebody I knew to be so strong to look so broken.

Leo too had his face covered in his hands, but they didn't stop the steady stream of tears from dripping down his face, or still the persistent shutters escaping his body.

I didn't know what to do. All of this was my fault, but I couldn't fix it. It wasn't as though I could lie to them and tell them everything was okay. That wouldn't improve things, right?

A small voice inside my head kept reminding me this wasn't real, that no one was really there.

I felt a small lump from the back of my throat come up to my mouth.

It didn't matter. Real or not their feelings were there, and those feelings were affecting me.

I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder tightly. I looked to see Leo's broken face, his eyes now red and swollen, looking at me intensely."

"Donnie I'm sorry," he stuttered through sobs, "I failed you as a leader and as a brother..."

He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "I never thought we would lose you, we need you, we _love_ you. Please don't leave us because of a mistake I made."

I grabbed his hand and held it tight. Again I was at a loss of what to say.

Instead I just let four words slip out.

"I love you too."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note**\- So a very dialog heavy chapter...my favorite! Enjoy!

* * *

Leo didn't stay long after that. In fact, he ran out almost immediately after our fight.

Mikey stayed though.

He kept his head down and fists clenched for a few moments afterwards, probably in an effort to collect himself, then proceed to my bed as though nothing happened.

"Sorry you had to hear that," he said, "I know it must suck to be ignored sometimes."

Neglected was the last thing I felt, but I knew what he meant. They wanted to help me but had no idea how to do it. Maybe having these discussions in front of me was a way of luring Donatello back to help them.

"Maybe you should go a little easier on him Mike."

I jumped at Raph's voice. He was so uncharacteristically quiet that I almost forgot he was there.

Mikey cringed; he was obviously not ready for another confrontation so soon.

"I don't want to talk about it Raph," he muttered.

"You can't just blame Leo for everything bad that happens. It's not fair."

"Oh you're one to talk!"

"I am!" Raph shouted, "Look I know how easy it is to just go around saying that everything's Leo's fault," he sighed, "But that's not what you do to your family, and we can't just go around thinking Leo has complete control of everything all the time."

Mikey glared at him, his temper flared up again, "Oh and this coming from the turtle who gets in a fight with him every other day!"

It was Raph's turn to clench his fists, and his face nearly twisted upside down to keep his own rage from bursting out.

"I'm not saying I'm the perfect example of corporation..."

"No you're not!" Mikey interrupted, "So why don't you stop talking before you make yourself look stupider than you already do!" he snapped.

My heart jumped. I whirled around to Raph and prepared myself to hold him back if he came charging at Mikey.

But he never did.

Instead he gave him one of the coldest glares he had until Mikey finally ducked out of the room.

"I gotta go do...something," he muttered to me before he left, "I'll be back to check on you in a bit, and let me know if you need anything."

With that he crept out and left me and Raph alone.

For a moment I had an irrational fear that Raph would start lashing out on me. I was after all the source of all this mess.

Again though, he never did, rather he knelt beside my bed and softly took my hand.

"I don't know what to do Donnie." he whispered, and I swore he almost sounded helpless.

"My name is..." I started.

"Danny whatever," Raph interrupted, then sighed, "They've been fighting like this for months, and no matter what I say I can't make things any better, I can't even get them to talk to each other for shell's sake!"

"Well I don't know why you're coming to me Raph, I still think all this is a figment of my imagination, remember?" I said.

Raph stared at me sternly, "Come on Donnie, I know you're in there. And if you can't come out for me, at least do it for them, please. We're a complete wreck without you."

Again I felt a pang of guilt surge through my system. For which I had to again remind myself that it was unjustified since none of this was really happening. But still, seeing Raph distressed, real or not, was something very disturbing to me.

"Donatello was never great at these things either." I muttered.

"You were never worse than me," Raph said with a deep sigh and slouched onto the bed.

"I guess I thought that if we could just get you back, everything would go back to normal," he continued sadly.

"Sorry to disappoint you." I replied.

"What would you and Mikey do?" he asked suddenly, "You know when Leo and I went at it like this."

"To be honest we'd usually just ignore you," I said rolling my eyes.

Raph shot me a pleading look.

"But...when it got really bad we would usually go to Sensei about it..."

"Master Splinter, of course!" Raph exclaimed, "He'll know what to do!"

My heart skipped a beat at his name.

"Woah woah Raph what are you thinking?"

"I'm gonna go have Sensei sort this out." he said and started to head towards the door.

"Wait!"

Fear and instinct roared through my system and in an instant I was out of bed and blocking him from the door.

"Donnie!" he jumped back surprised, "What the shell?"

"I can't let you go near him!" I cried, "God knows what he could do to you!"

Raph raised an eyebrow. "You know for someone who thinks this is all a hallucination you sure do care a lot about what happens to me."

I paused, he wasn't wrong.

"Let's just say I have some resonating concerns about letting you near him." I sighed,

Raph rolled his eyes again, "You know you could come with me if you want."

My entire body cringed at the idea, and the memory of me stabbing my father viciously in the chest came racing back to me.

"I-I'm not sure that's such a good idea..." I said.

"Well you better pick something, cause this Mikey and Leo thing has got to be taken care of," Raph said brushing by me and out the door.

I bit my lip, then followed, "Okay okay," I relented, "But only to make sure he doesn't hurt you."

Raph snickered, "Never thought I'd have you as a body guard Donnie."

"Oh shut up," I said, then despite myself smiled as Raph punched me playfully on the arm.

And for a moment it almost felt like I was home.

* * *

Seeing the lair furnished and full of life brought a mixed baag of emotions.

Happiness, of course, as memories of living here came flooding back to me, confusion, as usual, and most of all longing. There was nothing I wanted more than to just drop this Daniel identity and go back to living as Donatello. But a stern persistent voice kept reminding me this was not an option.

When we finally approached Sensei's door I could feel my entire body shake. A cold swat ran through me and I unconsciously started to shift closer and closer to Raph.

"Hey," Raph said, noticing my increased anxiety, "Everything's okay bro, Master Splinter's gonna help us out."

He squeezed my shoulder and tried to give me a reassuring smile.

I couldn't return it. The idea of revisiting the man I despised more than anyone disgusted me, and the idea that Raph thought Splinter could help him repulsed me even more.

_Oh yeah, help us into our graves,_ I couldn't help but think bitterly.

"Sensei, can I talk to you?" Raph said banging on his door.

"Come in my son." Splinter answered from inside.

Raph charged right in, while I slowly creeped behind.

The room was poorly lit, as he liked it. It was something that Donatello never took much of a notice of, but it made me incredibly uneasy. The dreaded figure was standing to the back of the room, cloaked in shadows and distant. When he turned to us, his yellow eyes pierced through the blackness of the room, so brought they revealed the silhouette of his figure.

I felt my entire body tense, and I suddenly felt naked without any weapons at my disposal.

"Raphael, is there anything I can..." Splinter stopped short as soon as he saw me.

His eyes reflected the same fear mine did, which for some reason only made me hate him more.

"Donnie said he'd feel safer if he came with me," Raph said quickly, after sensing the tension in the room.

"I see," Splinter said then turned to me. "I am proud of you for venturing out Donatello." he said.

I felt my fists clinch and a surge of hatred fell through me. His pride meant nothing to me. In fact it was an insult. I didn't want to be commended for anything by this monster.

Several angry and terrible insults bubbled from my mouth, but instead I fell silent. Monster or not, Splinter always taught us about anger and how letting it take control of us was one of the greatest weaknesses we could succumb to.

"Sensei we need help with Leo and Mikey," Raph said slowly after realizing I was going to stay silent.

"I see things have not improved between them," Splinter said.

"They've only gotten worse!" Raph exclaimed, "They can't even be in the same room now without getting under each other's shells!"

"Yes this is troubling indeed."

Raph sighed, "I don't get it Master. Everything was supposed to go back to normal when we found Donnie."

"I too had hoped Donatello's mere presence would have calmed them both down, but apparently it was not enough."

"So what are we gonna do Master? They won't listen to anyone!" Raph said.

"Hmm, I still believe the answer is in this room Raphael," he looked towards me, "Donatello I believe you are the only one who can bring your brothers together again."

This took me off guard.

"Me? I'm the reason they fell apart!" I cried before I could stop myself.

"No my son, it was your absence that drove us apart, and it is your return that will bring us together again.

"Well sorry to burst your bubble, but I have no intent in helping you with any of your problems." I sneered. "I'm the crazy one who doesn't think this all exists remember?"

Rapha flinched, he wasn't used to anyone showing such disrespect to Splinter.

But Splinter himself didn't react, instead he calmly continued, "You claim to not be invested in your brothers' well-being, but here you are Donatello, looking out for Raphael." he said.

"I don't care what they do to each other," I snapped, "As long as they're nowhere near you!"

"But if they are not real, then what is the difference?"

At that moment it felt like someone had set my body on fire. All the will power that was keeping my anger at bay melted away. My heart pounded with intensity and glared at him as hard as I could.

"Whats the differnce?! WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?" I screamed, "Leo and Mikey are gonna make up no matter what but _you_, I've_ seen_ what you can do! You're gonna play them for fools with all this fake love and support, then stab in the back as soon as you get the chance!"

"What the heck did they tell you there Donnie?" Raph cried, "Master Splinter would never hurt us!"

Ignorant idiot.

"No he won't, because I won't let him!" I screamed.

Then with a fury that was so intense it almost scared me, I lunged at him, my hands desperate to clench around his throat and chock the life out of him. It was my second chance to save my brothers, and I would not fail them again.

Splinter however, easily stepped aside and let me crash into the wall.

It stung, but not nearly as bad as the fact that he was just _standing_ there, not even caring about what ws going on.

With animalistic rage I lunged at him again, this time with the intent to punch that ugly look off his face.

Again I missed and ended up painfully colliding into another piece of furniture.

But by this time I was so angry I couldn't even feel it. All I could feel was my heart pounding with hatred and my teeth grinding with frustration.

I prepared to attack again, when two powerful arms grasped me and tried to pull me back.

"Donnie what are you doing?!" Raph shouted, "This is Master Splinter!"

But I was too far gone to listen; I was too far gone to let anything in the outside world affect me.

Using all my strength, I pried myself free of Raphs grip then burst through his hold, which caused him to scream in pain, once again fully intent on attacking the man who ruined my life.

He avoided me again, but instead of letting me recharge, he seized my arms and brought me down to the floor.

"Enough!" he cried.

But my anger only intensified as I struggled underneath his grip.

"Let me go you bastard! What are you too afraid to face me yourself?!"

And before I knew it I was cursing and screaming at him at the top of my lungs, all the while using all the strength I could summon to getting out from his grip.

Splinter, however remained calm, and kept his hold almost effortlessly, until all the anger in me slowly drained out and turned into intense sobbing.

I failed them, again. I couldn't defeat him, even though he was standing right in front of me. I wasn't strong enough to help my brothers, not then, not now. I deserved to be alone.

"Donnie hey it's okay, Donnie!" Raph tried to break through my sobs, but I couldn't focus on him.

I couldn't focus on anything.

I hardly noticed when Splinter released his grip and left me to curl up and cry harder than I ever had before.

Raph knelt down next to me and stroked me with a shaky hand. I peeked one eye up at him to see one of the most concerned faces he ever wore.

"Come on bro," his own voice sounded chocked up, "Everything's okay, please calm down."

"I couldn't protect them," I sobbed, my words barely distinguishable, "It's all my fault, I wasn't stong enough."

"Donnie its okay, none of that ever happened." Raph tried to comfort me.

Somehow I cried harder.

"Donatello, your brother speaks the truth, you have been told lies." Splinter said, also kneeling down next to me.

"I don't believe you! I don't believe anything you say!" I screamed through my sobs.

Raph looked helpless towards Splinter and the later sighed deeply, then gently stroked my back.

His touch felt like razors to my skin, but I no longer had the energy to fight him.

"Reality itself is an illusion Donatello," he finally said, "We all have the choice to see it as we want to, and thus live our lives freely from it."

I didn't answer.

That was crazy, how could someone live free of reality?

When I stayed quiet he continued, "What I mean is you can choose which reality you want to live in my son, it is after all your life, and your perspective."

"So you want me to just pretend that everything's okay?" I asked, my voice shaking "That the last six months didn't happen?"

"No my son," Splinter said quickly, "All I want to know is do you enjoy your life as Daniel? Do you _want_ to be him?"

My heart stopped and for the first time I looked him in the eyes.

What kind of question was that? Of course didn't _want_ to be Daniel, I hated his life, I hated what happened to him, but how could I choose just to ignore it.

"I hate Daniel," I muttered, "And I want to be Donatello again more than anything else in the world."

"Well then my son," Splinter started with a small smile, "Why not?"

"Why not? Because it's not real! Donatello doesn't exist! None of you do!"

"Even if we don't exist in the physical world, my son, we are real to you right now are we not? And what is the harm of you living a happy life you imagined for yourself, rather than a miserable one you believe as real."

I let out all breath from my body.

Was he really suggesting I just ignore reality to be happy? That was crazy, insane, irrational.

I looked up at Raph and felt a familiar craving sensation again.

But what if it really didn't matter, it was my life after all. Couldn't I live a fake one if I wanted to?

"For the record though bro we are real." Raph smiled, "Just saying."

He helped me to my feet and I stared at Splinter blankly.

"Please my son, just think about what I said, and think about helping your brothers."

I paused for a very long time before finally saying, "Hai Sensei."


	18. Chapter 18

Leo and Mikey were on opposite sides of the lair.

On one end Mikey was making yet another meal with a nonchalant look on his face, even though it is apparent that he was putting all his energy towards keeping it up. On the other end, Leo was lashing out with his katana as every emotion spilled out of him and into his thrusts.

I didn't want to make my presence known.

Being the only thing that could bring my brothers back together was intimidating, to say the least.

There was so much that could go wrong, and so many ways that I could fail. This coupled with the fact that I caused this dilemma made me feel quite inadequate from the job.

I gazed back longing at the room I just came from.

Why couldn't he help? Wasn't he the one who resolved issues like this instead of me?

Raph came from behind me and squeezed his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, if Master Splinter thinks you can do it, then so do I." he smiled.

I wanted to be reassured by this, but it only bolted down the pressure. I swallowed my fear and collected my voice.

"Hey!" I cried.

Being that this came from me, both Leo and Mikey stopped immediately from what they were doing to give me full attention.

"Donnie?" Mikey said.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Leo demanded.

"I took him to go talk with Master Splinter." Raph said before I got the chance.

"You did what?" Leo cried.

"Raph you know Donnie's uncomfortable around him! Something could have happened!" Mikey added.

"But it didn't!" Raph argued, "Well I mean he might have attacked Master Splinter but..."

"He did what?!" Leo cried.

"Raph what were you thinking?" Mikey demanded.

"ENOUGH!" I yelled.

Everyone in the room went silent.

Back in Sensei's room, I had at least tried to think of the most sentimental, and empathetic way to get my brothers to see reason. However, since they once again decided to pretend that I wasn't even in the room, I decided to break it to them coldly and rationally. It was after all, the thing Donatello would do.

"I'm sick of your non-stop fighting over something that happened six months ago!" I continued.

"But Donnie..." Mikey started.

"Don't interrupt me!" I snapped, my temper firing up again, "Look, Leo you can't keep expecting yourself to prevent everything bad that could ever happen to us, and Mikey you can't keep thinking that you're the only one who is going through a hard time here!"

"I don't think that!" Mikey interrupted.

"And I don't believe..." Leo started.

"Quiet!" I yelled, "Look I don't care that either of you think you're right, cause the truth of the matter is that your fighting is gonna make it nearly impossible for me to live here again!"

Leo and Mikey both opened their mouths to argue again, but stopped short.

Even Raph looked at me wide eyed.

"Wait, what did you say?"

I fought a small smile from forming on my face.

"I said, if I'm going to come back to my family I'm not gonna stand for you two fighting!"

Leo gaped at me, "Y-you mean you believe this is all real?"

There it was. The question that seemed to dominate me the past few months. But it was only that way because I gave it control. And I was sick of that.

A smile broke from my face despite myself, "Why else would I care so much about you guys?"

* * *

Before I knew it I was pinned on the ground by three sets of arms squeezing the very life out of me.

Mikey who somehow held the tightest grip on me, had tears rolling down his cheeks and was sputtering over and over again how happy he was to have me back.

Raph looked like he was going to lose it any moment, and Leo kept having to wipe his eyes every few seconds.

"What, what changed you mind?" Leo asked in a chocked voice.

"It doesn't matter," I said before Raph could answer for me, "I just want to put this whole thing behind me as soon as possible."

"Bro believe me so do we." Mikey sighed.

I raised an eye brow, "Then I think there's something you need to say to Leo before we can do that" I smiled.

Mikey stared at me clueless before realizing what I meant.

"Leo..." he started, turning to face him.

"Don't apologize Mike, you had every right to be mad," interrupted.

"No bro! I was completely wrong, what happened to Donnie wasn't your fault at all."

"I could have been more sympathtic." Leo insisted.

"You had to deal with so much though."

"Oh will you two knock it off already?!" Raph cried, "Just kiss and makeup would ya?"

Leo laughed and Mikey threw his arms around him in a tight apology hug.

"Love ya bro," he said softly, "And I am really sorry."

Leo smiled and returned the hug, "I love you too Mikey."

* * *

I was never one to enjoy being the center of attention (unless April was involved of course), so when my brothers decided they wanted to do everything with me at all times I was quickly overwhelmed.

"Are you sure you don't anything Donnie?" Leo asked trailing me from room to room.

"Hey bro you wanna hang out and play a video game or something?" Raph called from the living room.

"Hey Donnie, whatever you're doing, can I do it with you?" Mikey asked gleefully, jumping by my side.

"Umm in a minute guys," I said, trying not to sound overwhelmed, "I just need to use the bathroom real quick."

And before they could say anything else I quickly retreated to the only place I could have a moment's peace.

Once inside I sunk to the floor and pressed my temples.

It was really wonderful to be home again. To not only see and hear my brothers, but to once again interact with them so freely, was something I never thought I'd experience again. But the transition from alone in the world to the star of my entire family was a rough one.

There was also an awful feeling in the back of mind my mind that just felt _unsure_.

Unsure that what I was doing was right, unsure I was really okay.

I fought back this feeling best I could. As Sensei said, it didn't matter if I was sure in this or not, all that mattered was my personal happiness.

A knock on the door yanked me out of my thoughts.

"Donnie, you okay bro?" Mikey's voice came, and I was sure Leo and Raph weren't far behind.

"I'm fine Mikey, I'll be out a minute." I called back and pulled myself to the sink.

I turned on the faucet and splashed some water in my face. What was I doing? All I wanted for the last six months was to be back with them. To be exactly here. Overwhelmed or not I was going to enjoy this, I was going to enjoy in being with them.

After thoroughly washing my face I looked up to the mirror, and gasped.

There was no reflection.

My breathing stopped and my whole body stiffened.

No this didn't make any sense, this can't happen.

I rubbed my eyes and looked up again. This time a panicked looking turtle stared straight back at me.

A breathed out a sigh of relief and proceeded to rejoin my brothers.

"Donnie are you sure you okay" Leo asked as soon as I walked out.

Just as I thought, all three of them were crowded at the bathroom door.

"Never better Leo," I smiled, and in a sense it was true.

"How about a movie?" I asked before anyone could prod further.

Mikey's face lit up like a sparkler, "Oh yeah son! I'll make the popcorn!" he cried. as he ran off.

"Oh no Mikey, you always put on that gross cheese!" Raph yelled angrily and ran after him.

* * *

Ten minutes later Leo and I were plopped on the couch waiting for Raph and Mikey to finish their latest argument over how much butter to soak the popcorn in.

"You're gonna give us a heart attack if you melt more than five sticks Mikey!"

"Aww what, is Grandpa Raph afraid of high cholesterol?"

"Just make two bowls!" Leo cried, rolling his eyes as I chuckled.

Finally they came in with two impressively large amounts of popcorn. Although Mikey's was a bright yellow that in no way could have been achieved without heavy additions of chemical products.

"So what are you guys gonna eat?" he asked as he sat on my other side on the couch.

Leo rolled his eyes as I shoved a fistful of Mikey's popcorn into my mouth with a smirk.

"Kay Donnie, what movie?" Raph asked, standing by the DVD.

"Doesn't matter to me." I said.

"Come on D this was your idea!" Mikey said.

"Besides, it's your turn to pick the movie anyway." Leo added.

I really hadn't the faintest idea of what to pick, movies hadn't really been on my mind for the past few months.

"How about this ew action comedy that just came out?" Mikey suggested.

I never heard such a vague description of a movie but smiled anyway and nodded, "Sure."

Raph out in the DVD, and we all settled down.

The movie itself wasn't that interesting, but during it I couldn't help but notice over the next few minutes that Mikey got as close to me as he could. Before I knew it he was nestled by my side and quickly dozing off on my shoulder.

On my side Leo was mimicking his actions and before the movie reached its half way point, I had both brothers fast asleep on my shoulders.

A relaxed smile broke from my face as soft snores started to come from both of them. Sure it was cramped and kind of uncomfortable, but at that moment, I was sure I'd never felt happier.

I heard a loud, prominent snore and looked down to see Raph asleep as well, on my legs.

Finally it occurred to me, I was truly home.

* * *

I only awoke to the growling of my stomach.

As I opened my eyes an ache not too different from someone constantly kicking my forehead overwhelmed me.

I cradled my head in my hands and moaned.

"Mikey," I said weakly, "Can you get me some aspirin?"

I turned to face him only to see an empty space.

My stomach dropped and I looked around wildly, nothing was there. My brothers were gone as was any trace of our lair.

_I was completely alone._

* * *

**AUTHOR"S NOTE- **Cue Shyamlan's 'what-a-twist'


End file.
